I Will Be Right Here
by NicPie
Summary: After a childhood trauma changes life as she knows it, Elsa must learn to cope with her new reality; all the while, still working to control the very part of her that has caused her so much pain and suffering. Though her magic gives her power, her disability leaves her vulnerable; a unique mix that makes for a very uncertain future. (deaf!Elsa)
1. Injured

**A/N: So, this story was inspired by a something I thought I saw, but then realized I didn't. (Not important. :P) But anyway, once the thought was there, I couldn't ignore it and was so excited to figure out how to make it work. Yay INSPIRATION! I've been wanting to write a new story for a while now but nothing felt right until this. I brainstormed for like.. I don't even know how many days with a friend until I had this entirely mapped out. So, many thanks to yellow-eyed-wonder for that and for her excitement and encouragement. :)**

**That being said, (and yes, I know it probably won't make sense to you right now, if ever... it should, but if not, no biggie) I want to make it known that though this is labeled K+ for the moment, but there will be at least one point where I'll need to adjust the rating to M, so if that's going to bother you... you should know that now.**

**Also, to avoid confusion with thoughts, as there will be many in this fic, I've chosen to bold words of emphasis rather than italicizing. Just wanted to point that out so it was clear.  
**

**And finally, this both does and does not follow the plot of the movie. The gist of the storyline is here, but I've tweaked it and made it my own, so don't panic... just go with it. ;)**

**I think that's it, so... I hope you'll enjoy it.  
**

* * *

_"Elsa, what have you done?!"_

_"She's ice cold."_

The words, fresh from her parents' lips, echoed through her mind as she stood at the door, watching as they readied themselves to venture from the castle. Anna was cradled in her mother's arms, swaddled in her favorite purple blanket, as her father helped them inside the waiting carriage.

What **had** she done? This certainly was not the first time Elsa and her little sister had ever played with her powers, but nothing like this had ever happened before. It was pure, innocent fun and nobody had ever gotten hurt. But somehow, tonight, that wasn't the case. Anna had taken a blast of winter magic to the head and now… she wasn't moving… and some of her hair turned white…

Elsa didn't know what was going to happen and it terrified her to think of the possibilities. But Papa had an idea; somewhere they could take her to try to get her well again and Elsa hoped more than anything that she would see her sister wake up and hug and kiss all over her… if only he'd allow her to go along.

What if Anna never got better? What if she never got to see her again?

"But I want to go too," she cried as she ran to her father.

The King turned before stepping into the carriage, resting his hand on his eldest daughter's shoulder. "I think it's best if you stay here."

"But—"

"Gerda," he beckoned to the woman standing off to the side. The servant – a short, plump woman, sweet and kind – was the closest thing the girls had to a nanny. "See that Elsa gets put back to bed immediately."

"Yes, your Majesty." Gerda bowed her head and stepped towards the girl as he made to climb into the carriage.

But he paused when Elsa threw her arms around his waist. "It was an accident!" Tears streamed down her porcelain-like cheeks. "I promise I'll be good. Please. Papa, I want to go! I want to be with Anna!"

He looked down at the eight year old with an oddly pained expression that flickered across his face before he blinked it away. "Enough, Elsa. We will talk about this when we get home." Then, he disentangled himself from her hold, guided her back to the servant and hoisted himself inside the carriage.

"I'm sorry, Anna!" She called after them as the horses pulled away. _Please don't die._

Gerda wrapped a gentle arm around the little girl's shoulders. "Come along, dear." Elsa allowed herself to be led to the stairs, but not without one last glance over her shoulder. The woman patted her softly as she urged her forward, "everything's going to be just fine. You'll see."

But Elsa knew, **she knew**_, _everything was not going to be fine. She could sense it; feel it in the tingling of her palms, the harsh cold that stirred within her.

Not fine at all.

* * *

"Princess Elsa. Please, come away from the window and get back in bed. You must get some rest. Your father—"

"I'm not tired," she cut in flatly, focused intently on staring out the window to the castle gates.

"But you've barely slept all night and the sun is about to rise," Gerda coaxed as she approached the window seat and peered around, attempting to force some eye contact. "And you look exhausted."

"I want to see them when they get back," Elsa murmured. "I have to see Anna."

"I promise to wake you when they return, Princess." Gerda reassured her as she gently grasped her cold little hand, stepping in the direction of the girl's bed.

"No." Elsa snatched her hand away. "I'm staying here." She turned and looked at the woman pointedly. "You may go," she told her, easily dismissing the servant with all the authority in her tone that her title permitted her. Despite being eight years old, she still currently outranked every other person within the castle grounds.

"Y-yes, your Highness," Gerda replied, slightly stunned.

Elsa turned back to the window, resting her forehead against the glass

She observed the young princess for another moment, still unsure if she should be left alone given the circumstances – the King had instructed her to put her to bed. But what more was she to do? She sighed heavily before reluctantly leaving the room.

* * *

Gerda wasn't wrong in saying that she was exhausted; she could feel the fatigue settling into her tiny little body. The increasing sunlight made her eyes hurt, her head was beginning to throb and she just wanted to lie down. But there was no way she would sleep now. She couldn't. She had to stay awake, to see for herself that Anna was home and well

_But what if Anna doesn't come home?_

_What if I killed her?_

Elsa shook her head frantically, willing the thoughts away. "No," she whispered. "She's not dead. She's not… She can't be."

Elsa glanced over at Anna's bed, pink covers still pushed back and jumbled from when her sister had last been there, blissfully unaware of what was to come when she excitedly threw them back and scampered over to Elsa's bed. Anna's babydolls – mini-Elsa and mini-Anna – lay up by the pillow, waiting for her return to snuggle them close.

Tears welled in Elsa's eyes, a lump in her throat, and frost...

She watched, wide-eyed, as it quickly spread throughout the room. It crept from the window seat, down to the floor, up to the window, then the walls and across the ceiling. Consuming every inch with its soft, delicate patterns.

_What's happening?! _

Her powers had never done this before; they were always pretty and fun to play with, but they were never this out of control. Except for a few hours ago in the ballroom, they'd done this then too. Right after…

Her eyes slid closed as a sickening feeling tightened in her throat.

_What if she comes home and I—I hurt her again?_

Elsa curled her knees up to her chest and hugged them close, burying her face against the soft sleeves of her nightgown. "Please, come home, Anna," she begged, her tears soaking into the fabric. "I promise, I'll be more careful."

_It's too late. Anna's hurt and Mama and Papa are going to be so angry…_

"It was an accident," she whispered into her arms. "I'm sorry."

_They'll hate you. _

Thoughts of her little sister's bright-eyed, smiling face played in her mind; but they were quickly snatched away, replaced with the replay of her magic striking Anna's head, knocking her to the ground, unconscious. The way she looked in her mother's arms, so quiet, still and un-Anna-like, wrapped in that blanket because she'd been cold, **ice-cold **Mama said. The way Papa held them as he studied the child with concern. And the way they both had looked at **her**, with those sad eyes – she didn't like the way it made her feel – they'd never looked at her like that before, so uncertain and full of fear.

_How could they ever love you again?_

Elsa choked back a sob.

_You deserve to be punished for what you did… For killing your baby sister._

Elsa clamped her hands over hear ears, a vain effort to muffle the tormenting thoughts. "No... Stop…"

_You were so bad._

"Stopitstopitstopitstopit—"

_So bad._

Ice prickled on her palms as she squeezed tighter and tighter. She cried out, panicking. "Anna!"

_She's gone..._

Why wouldn't it stop?!

_Forever._

That last word had been the end of it though, because the final thing she heard was the sound of her own blood-curdling scream. Blackness rolled in and her world went quiet.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it so far. There is plenty more to come. :) I'd love to know what you think so far, so please review if you have a minute, it means a lot! **


	2. Discoveries

**A/N: Well... here it is. I worked all night to try to get it up before going to bed, so I hope it was worth it. :) I feel pretty good about most of it, although it may not be what you were expecting (maybe it is?), but either way, I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think... it fuels the inspiration. ;) **

**Brittney, I hope it lives up to your expectations. :D**

**On! And to my wonderful Guest reviewer who commented about wanting a fic in Elsa's POV and mentioned how the shackles had been custom made for her... Check out my other story. I wrote all Elsa's movie scenes plus some originals in between, including an extended scene/flashback when she was in the dungeon, and I think it may be exactly what you're wanting. :D (Shameless self-promotion, I know, but when I read your review it actually sounded like it belonged with the other story, so I wanted to share it's existence with you.)**

* * *

Gerda stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. The hallway was quiet, as it should be around 4AM. With the chaos from night relieved for the moment, all she wanted to do now was sleep. But the sun would be up soon and another day beginning; undoubtedly busy, as usual. And with no sleep and no idea what would happen once the royal family returned home, she had a feeling this was going to be a very trying day, to say the least. But never in her wildest dreams could she have prepared for what was about to unfold.

She settled down on the floor and tipped her head back against the door. _Maybe a little nap would be okay,_ she thought, allowing her eyes to slip closed.

She'd barely begun to drift off when she was startled awake by the most bone-chilling terror-filled scream she'd ever heard.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—ugh!"

Thud.

Gerda was on her feet before she could even process what she'd heard. In the span of one breath's time, a million thoughts flooded her mind. '_Stooo…' Stop, maybe? Stop what? What made the scream end so abruptly? And what was that noise?_

"Princess Elsa?!" she cried with alarm as she twisted the knob and stumbled into the room. Her attention immediately had drawn to the frost that coated… well, everything.

Everything except the small girl that lay sprawled on the ground beside the window seat where she looked to have fallen from.

Gerda gasped. "Oh…" she breathed, slipping slightly as she ran to her side. "Oh no. No! No no no no no no no… Not you too." She dropped to the floor, instinctively reaching for the child to pull her into her arms, but as soon as she laid eyes on her she pulled back with a shriek, not wanting to injure her further. She clapped her hands over her mouth, trying to hold back the cries that wanted to escape.

Elsa's hands were covered with frost, her palms encrusted with what looked like miniature icy mountains. But that wasn't what the woman was concerned about; after all, she had worked at the castle long before the Princess was even conceived and was fully aware of her gifts. No, what caught her attention and instantly made her ill, was the blood oozing from the girl's ears, staining her platinum blonde hair a disturbing shade of crimson.

"KAI!" She screeched as loud as she could manage. "KAI! Come quickly!"

Her hands flew to Elsa's chest, hoping and praying she would feel the thumping of her heart beneath them. She all but collapsed there herself when she felt the telltale signs of life. "Oh, thank heavens!"

"Gerda?!" She heard the man call from the hallway.

"In here!" She yelled. "Hurry!"

Kai came rushing into the room, his body moving faster than his feet and had to catch his balance as he skidded to a halt. "What is it? What's wrong?! I heard screaming—and then you called—"

"Princess Elsa… sh-she's hurt…" Gerda moved aside so he could see for himself.

"What happened?" He asked again, hurrying over and kneeling beside her. Then, carefully, he grasped Elsa's chin, tilting her head to the side ever-so-slightly.

"I—I don't know. She wouldn't sleep and she told me to go. S-so I sat just outside the door… I closed my eyes for a few minutes—and then she was screaming… I don't know wh—and I think she fell off…" She motioned towards the window. "What if she hit her head? What if something's seriously wrong?! She's alive, but… h-her ears—and the blood." Gerda's eyes overflowed with tears. "It was just a few minutes, Kai. I swear it! I was just so tired… It was only a little while and— "

"Shh, it's okay. Breathe." He instructed calmly. "It's not your fault."

Gerda sobbed harder. "Look at her, Kai. She's so pale… W-what do we do?"

He grimaced. "I… I don't know. I don't want to move her, not until the physician looks her over." He stood to leave. "I'll go fetch him," he said, taking in the condition of the room for the first time. "Will you be alright?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but just nodded instead.

"You should get a fire going." Kai took one last glance down at Elsa; then he quickly turned and dashed out the door. "I'll be back soon."

Gerda stroked the girl's hair lovingly. _Please don't die, Princess. _She leaned down to put a soft kiss on her forehead. _Please don't die._

* * *

Kai was leading the royal physician up the stairs as the King and Queen entered the foyer; Anna snored peacefully, snuggled in her father's arms.

"What's going on?" The King demanded.

"There's been an accident, Majesties." Kai informed them, trying to remain as calm as possible.

The Queen's hands flew to her mouth, wide eyes peering over her fingertips.

"An accident? What's happened?" He looked from Kai to the doctor, both paused mid-staircase.

"It's the princess… " The servant began, but couldn't seem to find the right words, especially because he didn't actually know what had happened either. "I'm sorry, your Majesty. We're not entirely sure—that's why we've called for Dr. Pedersen."

"If I may, Sir...?" the doctor gestured up the stairs. "I understand it may be a matter of urgency."

"Yes. Yes, of course," the King nodded hastily towards the stairs. "Please."

"Karl," he turned to the guard closest to him. The man immediately stepped forward. "Please take Anna and put her in her bed."

"Yes, Sir." Karl replied as the little girl was placed in his arms.

Kai cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Princess Elsa is occupying the room at the moment, Majesty. May I suggest that Princess Anna rest in your quarters for the time being?"

"That will be fine. Thank you, Kai." He gave a curt nod to the guard, "Karl."The young man took that as his permission to leave and carefully carried Anna up the stairs while the others following quickly on his heels.

* * *

"What do you mean, 'they're gone'?!" The Queen asked hysterically. "I don't understand. How can they be **gone**?! How did this happen?!"

"I understand this is difficult to process, your Majesty. I'll try to explain the best I can." Dr. Pedersen said. "The eardrum is situated deep inside the ear canal. Sometimes with illness or trauma, the tissue can puncture or rupture. This type of injury can cause hearing loss, but it is possible that with time and healing, this loss can be restored." He took a deep breath before continuing. "My fear for your daughter is that the damage is too severe for the natural healing process to correct the problem." Another breath. "When I examined her, I had to remove a significant amount of ice from each of her ears. It went very deep, beyond the inner ear itself… So, when I said the eardrums were gone, I meant just that. They look to be completely destroyed. I… I am truly sorry," the man offered sincerely.

The Queen, however, hadn't caught the condolences, as she had zoned out at the doctor's discovery. _ICE?! Her powers did this?_

"I-I don't understand. Her powers have never hurt her before…?"

"It, uh…" he stammered. "It appears to be… self-inflicted, Majesty."

_Self-inflicted?_

"You're saying she did this to herself?"

The doctor nodded grimly. "This was not merely a build-up of her ice clogging the canals. These were rather sharp and embedded quite deeply.

The stunned parents were at a loss for words.

"I was able to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing more I could do. Right now the ear canals are essentially like gaping holes, so you will have to be sure her ears are plugged before she bathes. They must remain clean and dry. She may also be susceptible to infection, so I'd like to start her on an antibiotic for now to prevent the situation from getting any worse." He handed the King a bottle that he'd withdrawn from his pocket. "The tissues should close up eventually, but I would be very shocked if any of her hearing is restored."

She felt like she'd been kicked in the gut. "And you're… you're sure she can't hear anything right now?"

"It's highly probable, Ma'am. Without an eardrum to properly function…"

The Queen all but collapsed in her husband's arms. She turned into his chest, clinging to the lapels of his coat as she saturating them with her tears.

"I wouldn't get my hopes up."

"…Thank you." The King managed to say as he attempted to soothe his wife, rubbing his hands gently up and down her arms. "Can we see her now?"

"She's still resting, but yes, I think it would be best that you both are there when she wakes. It… it will most likely be very difficult for her. And for you." The man motioned them inside the room. "You should be prepared."

* * *

Blink.

Blink.

_Owwww…_

Her head was pounding, ears throbbing.

_It hurts so bad._

* * *

The King and Queen leapt from the chairs they'd positioned by their daughter's bedside. The sound of soft, yet clearly pain-induced whimpers signaling that she was waking. Each parent took one of her hands in their own, watching her face closely, waiting for any sign that would tell them what they were so desperate to find out.

How much damage had the ice caused?

"Elsa?" The Queen crooned, being sure to stay out of sight for the time being, hoping that her voice alone would grab her attention. But her little girl only blinked groggily up at the bed canopy, not showing any sign that she was aware of her company.

"It's okay, sweetheart," the King said. "She's just waking. Maybe she's not alert enough yet."

"But we're holding her hands too and it's like she doesn't even notice," she frowned. "Could the ice have damaged them too?"

"No. Her hands are fine, your Majesty. It's just her ears that are the concern. But I have given her a large dose of pain medication," the physician explained from his position at the end of the bed. "Give her a minute to adjust." He tried to offer them a reassuring smile, but it didn't hide the sadness in his eyes. "I'll be just down the hall in the library if you need anything," he said, dismissing himself.

She nodded though, wanting to be as positive as she could. She remained still for a few minutes, before she couldn't take it any longer. She had to know. Although something deep down told her that she already knew the answer. The doctor had been fairly certain…

"Elsa, it's your Mama," she tried again, her voice thick with emotion. "…Elsa…"

_Please, baby. Please, answer me. Turn your head, squeeze my hand. Anything! Just please be okay. _

She leaned down a little closer. "C-can you hear me, darling?"

Nothing.

_…Nooo... Why is this happening?!_ She turned her face away, biting down on her lip to muffle her cries.

"If… if she can't—" the King swallowed "it'll be all right."

She shot her husband a sideways glance, wanting to snap at him. Tell him, 'no, it would not be all right!' but when she looked at him, she only wanted to cry harder. There was no trace of his kingly mask evident on his face. Instead, she saw other things: concern, frustration, anger, fear, sadness… and she was sure her own no doubt mirrored his exactly.

In that moment, she knew. _It's true. _ He'd sensed it just as she had, she could see that. And now, with no responses from Elsa to prove otherwise, despite their conversing, it was painfully obvious that their daughter wasn't able to hear them.

She hiccupped back a sob. "What do we do now?"

"We'll figure it out," he said, reaching across the bed and caressing her arm reassuringly.

She shook her head erratically, covering her mouth with her free hand. "This isn't right."

_As if she didn't already have enough to deal with. On top of having powers… now she's deaf too?!_

"…I know."

It wasn't fair.

_And I can't even tell her what's happened. _Her heart felt like it dropped into her stomach, the thought of Elsa having to figure this out on her own made her sick. _She's going to be so scared._

Tears stung her eyes, threatening to fall. But fought them back, she had to be strong for Elsa, she didn't want her to see her cry.

"Elsa?" Her father tried one last time. This time, he shook her hand gently, finally getting her attention, although it startled her and she squeezed her hands on reflex and finding them full in their grips. She quickly tried to lift her head off the pillow to see who was there with her, but she hissed instantly, the movement obviously causing her pain.

She pulled her hands free and gripped her head, freezing as they met the bandages wrapped around it. Her eyes widened with alarm and she very gingerly moved her fingers along the fabric, stopping at her ears. She patted her hands against them, immediately becoming agitated. She banged against them harder, faster; cries intensifying and breathing quickening as panic took over.

The Queen stood there frozen, across from her husband, both helpless as she watched their baby girl try to make some sense of what was happening to her. Seeing Elsa's reaction to her new reality was by far the worst pain she'd ever felt, even far surpassing the day she'd brought the girl into the world.

* * *

_No. No. No. No. Why won't you work? _Elsa frantically banged on her ears. _WORK! _

But they refused to obey.

She could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she gasped for air; could feel the vibrations in her throat as she cried out in frustration. She knew she was doing these things, but she couldn't hear any of it.

And she couldn't see anything. Physically her eyes worked just fine, but her head hurt so bad when she tried to move it, she could barely look around or at anything more than the navy canopy that hung over her bed.

It was disorienting. And terrifying.

But she knew she wasn't alone, at least; someone had been holding her hands. She could feel their gentle touches as if they were trying to comfort her.

Her ears hurt so bad, sharp and pulsing. _What happened to me?_ She tried to think, but the memories were so fuzzy. She remembered being upset and that she was tired… then she heard all those bad things…

_My ears!_

She yanked the bandage off her head and brought it into her line of sight, staring horrified at the two bloodied spots that stained either side. _I'm bleeding?!_

Icy webs started crackling over the bandage before it had been pried from her hands, which she quickly moved back to her ears. This time they were pulled away by strong hands and placed down at her sides, held down with firm, but gentle pressure.

She couldn't hear, it was hard to see much around her, and now she couldn't move freely... Fresh tears welled up in Elsa's eyes, frustrations mounting as another restriction was added.

She just wanted her Mama.

"Maaa" she cried, hoping her voice was doing what she wanted. "Ma—"

Within seconds, her mother was laying there in the bed at her right side, pulling her into a tight embrace – the pressure on her hands lifted – she rolled to her side and curled into her, burying her face into her chest, craving the comfort of her mother's love.

She didn't know how long they'd stayed that way, but her mother held her tight as she sobbed until Elsa was the one to finally let go. When she looked up into her face, she saw that she had also been crying.

The Queen wiped the tears from her eyes, offering her daughter a weak smile as she wiped away hers as well. Then she planted a long kiss on her forehead before pulling back to look at her intently. "I love you." It had been spoken slowly enough for her to understand.

Elsa's face puckered. How she wished she could have heard that! If only this one last time. She closed her eyes, holding back the tears, not wanting to upset Mama any more.

_I love you too, _she thought, but simply replied with a small nod.

Her mother slowly sat up, tipping her head and offered Elsa her hands, silently asking her permission to help her sit up. She bit her lip, nodding nervously.

The sudden change made the throbbing intensify and she winced automatically. She clutched her head, took a few deep breaths and was surprised to find that after a minute or two, the pain began to ease.

Elsa carefully lifted her chin, looking around comfortably for the first time that morning. Standing off to the side, her father stood with a wary smile. She tried to match it, but for some reason, tears sprang to her eyes. He was there, sitting in front of her, instantly. He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

When they broke the embrace, they all looked from one another awkwardly, none of them really knowing what to do.

* * *

Elsa brought her little hands up to her ears, tapping on them as she looked nervously from one parent to the other, questioning them with her eyes.

If the Queen's heart hadn't fully broken yet, that just about did it. She reached for her daughter's closest hand, kissing it, squeezing it lightly, before finally meeting her eyes and sadly shaking her head.

"No, baby." She couldn't help say aloud, more for her own benefit, needing to hear herself say it with her own mouth. "They're not going to get better."

Elsa's eyes watered, as did her own.

Her father got off the bed and went over to the desk, rummaging around until he found what he'd been looking for. He came back with a journal and a quill and ink. He sat back on the bed, opened up the book and gently placed it into her lap. She looked down at it, contemplating before awkwardly accepting the pen from his outstretched hand. taking a deep, steadying breath, she wrote her first words in this new form of communication.

There were only two words on the paper, but they were incredibly heartwrenching.

_"I'm scared."_

The King gave his wife's knee a comforting light squeeze in response to the shuddering breath she'd taken when she saw what was written on the page.

He gingerly slid the book from Elsa's lap and scratched a note inside.

_"I understand... we're scared too, but I cannot begin to imagine how frightening this must be for you. But everything will be okay, Elsa. We promise. We will figure this out together and do everything we can to make this easier for you."_

He held it open for her to read, the tears rolled down her cheeks when she'd done so.

Elsa reached for the book with shaky hands.

_"I'm sorry." _She wrote and then slowly turned the book around for them to see. Her cheeks flushed a tinge of rosy pink and she covered her face with her hands.

The Queen's jaw dropped as she read the paper and quickly pulled Elsa's hands away. She tipped her chin up so she was sure she was paying attention, shook her head vigorously with a scowl. She hesitantly picked up the book, the quill shaking in her hand; not quite ready to take this first step in admitting that things were different now. But she put the pen to the paper…

_"You have NOTHING to be sorry for! Do you understand?"_

Elsa's only reply was her holding out her hands in front of her. She turned her palms up and then looked at her parents sadly.

Her Papa took the book next.

_"We know. The doctor found the ice. It's okay. It wasn't your fault._

_But… do you remember how it happened?"_

She got a thoughtful look on her face before nearly jumping out of her skin. "UH!" She snatched up the book and quickly scrawled…

_"ANNA?"_

Her mother rested her hand on her shoulder, urging her to calm down. Then she smiled brightly and nodded her head, happy to share one bit of good news that came out of this horrible, horrible day.

_She's going to be just fine._

Elsa's face lit up and she grinned happily.

_Leave it to Anna to be the one that makes her smile. _The Queen laughed to herself. The girls had always been close and the two were never happier than when they were together.

She took the pen and scratched onto the book, still in Elsa's lap.

_"Do you want me to go get her?"_

Elsa immediately panicked; she held up her palms towards her mother and began waving her hands frantically. her head shaking wildly from side to side.

"Okay. Okay." She grabbed her hands, staring her in the eye. "Okay."

Elsa took a deep breath before writing next.

_"I don't want her to be scared."_

She sighed as she took the note from her daughter. As much as she hated to admit it, Elsa was right. Anna was only five, she wouldn't understand that her sister couldn't hear her anymore. Or that she wouldn't talk to her anymore. And seeing her upset would only upset Elsa.

_It's probably best for them to give each other a little space for a while; until Elsa's ready. _

The King picked up the book and pointed to his last entry with curiosity.

Did she remember?

Elsa hesitantly took it from him and thought a moment before putting the nib to the paper.

_"I was mad that I had to stay here by myself. And I was scared that I hurt Anna. My powers made my hands tickle and then the room got all frosty. Bad things were in my head, like that I killed Anna and you and Mama wouldn't love me anymore. I wanted them to stop. I remember covering my ears and screaming for it to stop. _

_That's all I remember."_

She passed it to her father and looked down into her lap as he read, wringing her hands nervously.

The Queen read over his shoulder, disturbed by seeing what their daughter had been though, before meeting his own sad eyes. She grabbed the book.

_"Elsa, I am so, so, so SORRY that this happened to you. I wish you didn't have to go through that alone._

_Can you forgive us?"_

* * *

Elsa's eyes widened as she read her mother's apology. When she looked up they were both staring at her with the saddest faces she thought she had ever seen.

She didn't know who started it, and it really didn't matter, but suddenly they were all wrapped in each other's arms and for the first time since this nightmare began, Elsa knew that her parents' love was unconditional.

* * *

The King and Queen startled from the embrace at the sound of a knock on the door, followed by it cracking open slightly with Gerda's head poking through.

She looked to Elsa first, trying her best to greet her with a smile. Then, averted her gaze before the tears could fall from her glassy eyes.

"Excuse me, Majesties. But Princess Anna is awake and won't calm down unless she sees one of you… I-I'm sorry for the interruption."

"It's okay, Gerda," the Queen assured. "Thank you, one of us will be there in just a moment."

When the door had clicked shut, the parents looked at one another; neither one sure who should go to Anna and who should stay with Elsa. And both realizing that this was the beginning to what was sure to be a very complicated situation.


	3. Grieving

**A/N: Hi there. :) Just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for the faves and follows and also to those of you who left me such nice reviews, I get excited whenever I get the notifications, so... yeah. Thank you. I hope you guys like the chapter, there's not a whole lot going on, but it was needed for character development and I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. Though if I sit and read it again, I may change my mind. Hahaha. So, anyway... let me know what you thnk and please, enjoy. :)**

* * *

Elsa had pretty much had to force her parents out of her room that night. They had been taking turns throughout the day, one staying with her while the other went to be with Anna and then, after about two hours, they'd swap. Her mother would come to relieve her father, they'd share a weary glance and what she assumed was a small verbal exchange before he left, and vice versa. Sometimes they would both stay together with her for a short while, but there wasn't a moment that they were both out of the room at the same time, leaving her alone long enough to really sit and think for a minute or two. That was probably their intent, she realized, but while she appreciated their concern, she was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed with everything.

The conversing in her journal had been helpful in calming her down a little, and she was glad they were telling her the truth about her ears and about what happened with Anna after they left, but it was a lot to take in all at once. And, despite the pain medication the physician had given her, her head still hurt some, although it did succeed in making her feel sleepy. Plus, her powers were still acting weird. She'd never had so much trouble with them before, nothing ever just happened when she wasn't trying. But now, the tips of her fingers were nearly frozen and the nails crusted with a thin layer of frost; her palms tickled as if the magic was dancing just under her skin, ready to burst forth whenever it wanted. And even though it hadn't taken the room long to defrost once Gerda and Kai found her and built up a huge fire in the fireplace (it was only a light coating that had needed to melt off) there was still a lingering chill in the air.

To top it all off, Elsa was feeling guilty that their babysitting was taking their attention from Anna. She'd assumed that Gerda must be sitting with her during the shift changes, so she wasn't alone either, but she still didn't like being the reason Anna couldn't have both of her parents there with her on such a traumatizing day… a day where she was recuperating from a near-death experience, caused by her very own sister.

It was all just getting to be too much, too fast. There was so much to take in and get used to, to make sense of and try to understand, all the while, feeling physically and emotionally drained. She could feel her anxiety building and she just wanted some time to herself to figure things out, without being fussed over or stared at.

Elsa put on a brave face, asked her parents if she they would tuck her in to bed and watched as they hesitantly left the room.

When she was finally alone, her thoughts immediately shifted to Anna. She thought about how they told her that they'd taken her to a place where trolls lived so that they could heal her with their magic. Elsa had never seen a troll before, she didn't even know that they really existed, but as a person who also held magical powers, she didn't even think to question it. The eldest troll – Pabbie, they said his name was – had to take the magic out of Anna's head; and to do that, he had to take out all of her memories that had to do with Elsa's powers.

Thinking about that had made her sad. Anna wouldn't remember any of the fun they'd had with her snow or her ice, which was a lot of how they spent their time together. Over the past couple months, Elsa had been teaching her to ice skate. Anna wasn't too steady yet, but they kept practicing because she loved it so much. And, one of their favorite things to do was building snowmen, they usually made one at least once a week, and they were usually always named Olaf.

Elsa's chest ached just thinking about it all, everything they'd done together that Anna would never remember, everything that they'd never do again. How much of their lives had been interwoven with her powers? How many memories were gone now, altered by a magic she didn't understand. Without those memories, the very things that strengthened their sisterly bond… how much of her would Anna have left to remember? Would she feel the same way about her as she did before? Would she still love her?

She had to see her, to find out just what her sister did think of her. To make sure they were still best friends.

Elsa threw back the covers and scooted to the edge of her bed. _I have to tell her that I'm sorry, that I… I… _She paused, frowned. _No_… She couldn't tell her anything. She couldn't even face her. Not now. _Not like this._

Her parents agreed to her request to wait before telling Anna. She didn't want to upset the girl unnecessarily, especially if she couldn't validate their words by seeing Elsa for herself. Poor Anna wouldn't really understand without seeing her in person and that was something Elsa wasn't ready for.

Her eyes began to water. She didn't want to see Anna this way, to see her and **only** see her. Not talk to her, or hear her sweet giggles. She didn't want to see the sad pout on her little face when – after she asked one of her million questions, like she loved to do – she would have to stare at her like an idiot because she wouldn't be able to respond to her. Anna would probably think Elsa was trying to be mean to her or that she didn't want to play with her and that wasn't true at all. But how was a five year-old supposed to know the difference?

The edge of the blanket stiffened under her grasp, snowflake patterns multiplied rapidly until she pulled her hands away and scurried back to her pillows, her hands clasped to her chest as she eyed the remnants of the latest accident cautiously. _It's better if I stay away from her for a while._

She pulled her knees up and hugged them close, tearing her gaze from the spot to look around the room, trying to find anything else to focus on that would not serve as a painful reminder of all that's happened. But that only made her feel worse. Anna was everywhere.

Anna's side, Anna's bed, Anna's toys… Anna, Anna, Anna.

After all, this was her room too, and though Mama and Papa were letting Anna sleep with them for now, eventually she'd want to come back into it. Elsa closed her eyes and shook her head in frustration. _How is this going to work?_

_Why did this happen to me? To Anna? Why can't I be normal? Why couldn't I have **ever** just been normal?! If it wasn't for these stupid powers… _Anger tightened the expression on her face as she stared down at her hands. _They ruined everything! _Tears streamed down her cheeks and fell into her hands where they quickly froze atop her pale skin._ EVERYTHING!_ She slammed her fists onto the bed. _First Anna. Now my ears! _Her face puckered as she laid her palms over them. There was no rustling noise as skin brushed against skin. No internal amplification as she pressed. And no suction-type sounds as she pulled her hands away. Just… nothing.

_I don't like this! Please! I want to go back to last night—I just want to do it over. I promise I won't hurt Anna again! I won't even play with her… Please?! I hate this!_ Elsa threw herself facedown into her pillow, soaking the silky case as she sobbed into it. _I can't live this way forever; I just can't! I-I'd rather die._ She wailed harder, kicking her feet into the mattress._ I hate it! I hate it… I hate it. I HATE IT! _She screamed into the pillow before yanking it from under her head, annoyed by the moisture that chilled against her face, and whipped it off to the side, unaware that it had collided with her bedside table, sending a vase of wildflowers crashing to the ground.

_It's not fair! _She wanted to scream it out as loud as she could, to let all of Arendelle know of her injustice. But sadly, no matter how loud she could manage, even if her cries had reverberated through the entire kingdom for every person to hear, the fact remained that for her there would be only silence. And no amount of kicking and screaming was going to change that.

But that didn't stop her from trying.

* * *

It'd been about an hour since Elsa made her parents leave. However, unbeknownst to her, they hadn't gone far. After the Queen settled Anna down for bedtime, she joined her husband in the hall outside of Elsa's room. Both royals slouched against the walls alongside the door, utterly exhausted after nearly two days with no sleep, but yet still not able to, nor wanting to be anywhere else other than right there for their daughter.

They had sensed her growing agitation as the evening had progressed, but after hours of corresponding, there wasn't much more they could have said to her to put her at ease… because there was nothing possible to be said that would make thing situation any better. They did assure her that they wouldn't tell Anna, not yet… not until she was ready; which seemed to calm her for a while, but it hadn't lasted long. She pushed the book away, shaking her head, not in the mood to write anymore, so they let her be when she walked off and climbed up onto her window seat. She sat for a while, absently staring out the window, twisting the fabric of her nightgown or wringing her hands. Whenever she stilled, her fingers would subconsciously find themselves at her ears, prodding and pulling until she realized what she was doing and quickly went back to her fidgeting. Eventually, she said that she was tired and let them tuck her into bed and smiled as they kissed her goodnight, but her mother could feel the waves of tension rolling off the girl and had been reluctant to leave her, but ultimately did so.

The hall was always quiet at this time of night, but there was something especially eerie about it now for the Queen, the silence more significant. It felt sad… heavy. Suffocating. _If this is only a fraction of what she's feeling... _she thought, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of the realization. The noiselessness made her feel sick and suddenly she was craving any sort of auditory stimulation she could get. The King eye's had slipped shut, was he sleeping? She wanted to wake him, to blurt out anything she could think of just to fill the void. _No… if Elsa can't get away from it— _She swallowed hard, but then forced herself to remain still, not to speak or even to breathe too heavy, trying to allow herself to experience even just a miniscule amount of what her daughter was going through. And yet, even then, there wasn't complete silence. She became hyper-aware of her own internal noises, the sound of her husband breathing, the clock chiming, the faraway voices that echoed softly from the kitchen. The hardest part, the part that hurt the most, was knowing that unlike with her little experiment, Elsa heard **nothing** and it would be that way for her for forever.

_Forever._ She could barely wrap her head around the idea, much less bear the thought of it.

"I wish it was me," the Queen said, breaking the near-quiet with a low whisper. The King blinked slowing, turning his head towards her, he offered her a hand that she readily accepted before continuing. "I-I feel so helpless. I just want to make this better for her… and there's nothing I can do." She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her free hand. "I never thought anything like this could ever happen. Her powers have always been beautiful…" she sniffed "we should have been more careful—kept a closer watch."

"There was no way we could have seen this coming." He scooted closer and wrapped his wife in his arms, where she instinctively settled against his shoulder. "You can't look to assign blame. Sometimes… sometimes, things just happen. It was an accident."

"Both times."

The King rested his chin on her head. "Yes, well…" he said thoughtfully, "now we—"

"Shh!" She snapped upright, turning her ear towards the door, right index finger coming to her lips.

Inside, they could hear their daughter's soft cries. It hadn't taken long before whimpers escalated to sobs, which turned to wails, which led to the gut-wrenching screaming. And a crash or some sort…

At that, the Queen was on her feet, ready to barge in, but he was there instantly, gently grabbing hold of her elbow, pulling her back against him. "No," the word broke as it left his lips. "Not yet."

She turned back to him in confusion, one hand still stretching towards the doorknob. "What? Wh-why? She could be hurt. I need to go to her, she needs—" She let her words trail off as her tear-filled eyes rose to meet his.

"She needs to grieve."

"Then she shouldn't be alone…"

"That's why she should be alone," he corrected.

"I…I don't understand."

"Life as she knows it has just changed; she's lost something precious that she'll never get back… She has every right to be angry." He held her face tenderly in his palms. "Give her time. She needs to process."

"But…" She glanced back to the door, "that could take…" _Days? Months? YEARS?_

He nodded sadly and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I know."

They stood there in the hall, trying to find comfort in their embrace as they were forced to wait out every agonizing second of the outburst that was happening on the other side of the door. Finally, the screams became less and less, intermittent between moans and hiccupped sobs before finally reducing to sniffles and then… Quiet. They waited another five minutes, just to be sure, before they slowly opened the door and peeked inside, not entirely expecting what they were about to find.

Snow. Ice. Broken glass. Wilting flowers. Things thrown about the room. Pages torn from the journal and ripped into tiny pieces and strewn about. And a crumpled little Elsa, passed out in the midst of it all.

They hurried over to her, inspecting her for injuries and sighing with relief when they found none. Her father lifted her off the floor and gently laid her back in her bed.

The Queen turned to him and rested her hands on his chest. "Go on." She stood on her toes, stretching up to kiss him. "I'm going to stay with her tonight."

"Okay." He hugged her tight and then held her hand as he helped her up to settle in beside their daughter. She snuggled Elsa close as he gently pulled the covers up to their elbows, giving them a last goodnight kiss on their foreheads. Then, the King snuffed out the lamps and pulled the door closed behind him.

Knowing that if Elsa were to wake, she would feel her mother's arms wrapped around her – and know that she was safe and that she was loved, no matter what – was the only thing that allowed the Queen to finally shut her eyes and drift off to sleep.


	4. Acceptance

**There isn't a whole lot to say that won't sound like a huge excuse, so I'll skip all that and just say that I am really, really, really sorry this update has taken so long. I hope you will forgive me... and if you happen to enjoy this chapter, please review, it really does help to push me to keep writing. - Thank you to all who've stuck around and fav'd and followed and all that goodness. **

* * *

_It's_ _an_ _odd_ _feeling_. _Nothingness_. Elsa thought as she picked at her breakfast.

She had awoken with a start, sleepy eyes blinking open to find her mother propped up on one elbow and peering down at her. It wasn't that she was afraid… far from it; she just hadn't been expecting it, is all. It's not like her mother was in her bed with her any other morning, so why today?

She reached out quickly, gently, and caressed Elsa's cheek. Her mouth was moving, attempting to sooth the girl, but no words were coming out.

_Ah_. She remembered now.

Elsa pouted, disheartened to find that this all had not just been a horrible dream._ I really am stuck_ _like_ _this_.

Her mother softly brushed the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Blue eyes locked with blue, in an exchange that needed no words. Elsa knew her mother sensed her distress, which only added to her own. It was written all over her face; she was worried and scared and unsure, and yet, she was there, continually loving her in every way she knew how.

Elsa felt her stomach rumble in an impressive attempt to demand her attention. Given the series of chaotic events, they'd all but forgotten to eat the day prior. Not that any of them would have had much of an appetite anyway. But Elsa's focus was elsewhere, her gaze fixed on her mother, finding comfort in the warmth of her smile - for whatever reason it was there, she didn't care.

"You're hungry."

Elsa narrowed her eyes slightly, trying to read her lips, replaying how they'd moved over and over again in her mind, hoping to piece together what her mother had said. But a tickle to her stomach broke through her concentration.

Her stomach. The rumbling. Mama must have heard the angry growls.

With a silent giggle – the first moment of happiness since this whole nightmare began – Elsa pulled back and smiled, nodding her head.

The Queen slid off the bed and went to the door, poking her head into the hall for a moment before returning to her daughter.

It wasn't long before a tray of food was brought in and set on the end of the bed.

Elsa nibbled on her toast, preferring to take smaller bites in an attempt to avoid noticing the lack of crunching she would have normally heard with larger ones. It didn't help, though, it still felt wrong. Even drinking her orange juice was strange.

Everything was different. And nothing was the same.

_Nothing's ever going to be the same again_.

The loss of one sense - the deprivation of something that is so often overlooked, a right, rather than a privilege - how easily it had been taken from her, never to be given back. It's absence had forced her into a prison, to live her life confined to her own mind. The door had slammed in her face, locked; the key thrown into the bottom of the ocean, and with it, every beautiful sound she'd ever hope to hear again.

Nothing would ever be able to break through to rescue her from the eternal silence. The physician couldn't fix it. Being royalty couldn't fix it. Not even her magic could fix it.

"…nothing else they can do…" Papa had said last night, before Elsa pushed the book away and settled into her window seat. She was done. There was nothing left to say.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

She was forever trapped in 'nothing' and freeing her was an impossible feat. The sooner she accepted that, the better it would be for everyone.

Everyone else, anyway, but she wouldn't be selfish. Why should they suffer any more than they already have because of her mistakes?

Even if she was miserable, she would do her best to keep it to herself, for their sake; the last thing she wanted was to cause them any more pain. She would conceal her own, ignore it the best she could so no one would see.

_Yes. Conceal it, don't feel it. Don't let it show. _

Elsa squared her shoulders, the epitome of the regal little princess she was trained to be, mask in place.

She forced down a silent bite of banana.

_Nothingness_.

An odd feeling, indeed.

* * *

The morning had started out surprisingly upbeat. Aside from a moment or two of mild panic when she first woke, Elsa had seemed relatively happy. She even responded to her mother's tickles with a soft laugh, temporarily overshadowing the unease that the woman had been feeling.

But, as they sat together, sharing a light breakfast of fruit salad, toast, juice and tea, Idun noticed Elsa's countenance begin to turn somber. In the quiet – something they'd both have to learn to get used to – thoughts crept in and minds wandered and she was concerned about where her daughter's was off to, if the stoic look on her face was any indication, it was nowhere good.

_Distract her_.

She retrieved the quill pen and what was left of the little journal they'd used the night before – noting that they'd need to get some more to have on hand, especially if a turn in Elsa's mood could quickly destroy them – and scribbled a little note onto a clean page. She forced a lighthearted smile as she showed it to her daughter.

_"What do you say we go and get you into a nice warm bath? Doesn't that sound lovely?"_

Elsa looked down at her nightgown, still the same one that she'd gone to bed in before the accident with Anna. It might feel good to freshen up a little. She bit down on her lip, eyes still downcast, and gave her mother a nod.

The Queen reached out to cradle her chin in her palm and titled her head til their eyes met. "That's my girl." She smiled and pulled her face close to place a kiss on her nose.

_"Now, why don't you go pick out an outfit and I'll have Gerda draw your bathwater."_

Elsa nodded again and went to do as she was told. Once again, Idun poked her head out the door, remaining there a minute or two while she relayed her wishes to the help that passed by. She turned back into the room to find her daughter standing in the center with a fresh sky blue nightgown clutched to her chest.

_"Elsa... that's a nightgown, darling. Why didn't you pick out a dress?"_

Elsa took the book in one hand and read the query on the page, then looked over at the gown held in the other. Her mouth opened instinctively, wanting to speak; but the only sound that came was the catch of her breath. Her eyes screwed tight, her jaw quivering as she fought back tears.

_Oh… my sweet girl. _Idun's heart plummeted to the deepest depth of her gut as she was forced to witness her daughter's frustration. How awful it must be to not have your body respond like it was supposed to, to hinder what once came natural due to its newfound limitations.

She'd give anything to be able to make her baby whole again. She wanted her to hear. Wanted to hear her.

How would she ever be able to get used to the absence of that angelic little voice? It hit her then that the days of listening to her daughters playing and giggling in tandem were over. No longer would she have to referee their squabbles. There would be no more gentle shushing them when they stayed up talking past their bedtime. And to make matters worse, she realized the very real possibility that she may never get to know the sound of adult-Elsa's voice - would she recognize it if she'd had the chance to hear it for the first time after the passing of so many years?

She would never have those precious memories of her daughter's squeals of delight as she told her all about her first kiss, or of the sound of pure joy in her voice when she'd announce she was having her first child.

She knew she could never fully understand the loss that Elsa must feel, but she was beginning to think that she may have an inkling.

She felt like she'd been robbed, and she couldn't help her selfish desire to hope that one day Elsa would be brave enough to attempt to speak again.

She wished it was now.

_It's alright, baby. Say it… say something. You can do it, I know you can. _Her soul yearning as much as her mind.

Instead, Elsa clamped her mouth shut and thrust the clothing in her hand out towards her mother, trading her for the pen.

_"I didn't see the point. Nobody else is going to see me anyway."_

She slipped the book from Elsa's grasp, the girl's words blurring through the layer of tears that clung to her eyes as she read.

* * *

"How is Anna?" Idun asked later that evening as she sat by the fire in their chambers, removing her shoes before working her way out of her dress.

"Asleep. Finally." Her husband, propped against the headboard, lowered the book he'd been reading and sat it on the side table. "Although, you should know... tomorrow we will be having ice cream for breakfast," he smiled guiltily.

"Agdar, you didn't."

"I'm sorry! She was so upset that she hasn't seen Elsa and she didn't understand why she couldn't go back to her own room. I... didn't want to make this any harder for her than it had to be, so I told her if she let Gerda put her to bed in the guest room without any further fuss, then... well, I thought a little treat might be an incentive—"

"A bribe."

"Technically." He smirked at her, a carbon copy of those she's seen on their daughters' faces. It was no secret where they'd gotten their mischievousness.

"They have always had you wrapped about their little fingers," she teased, crawling under the covers. He lifted his arm for her to duck beneath and wiggle up beside him. She took the offering, snuggled in close and rested her head on his chest.

"And Elsa? Is she—"

"The same."

"I meant—"

"I know," she sighed. "Yes, she is asleep as well. It took a while, after you kissed her goodnight, but she finally dozed off." She fiddled absently with the buttons on his pajama top. "She didn't want me to lay with her, said she was fine, but she did let me sit with her, at least. So, I pulled up a chair and sat and waited for her to fall asleep. But watching her, the way she curled in on herself and when she does that thing where she pats on her ears, almost like she's testing them, like one of these times something will have changed... it just breaks my heart. I wanted to hold her so badly. I don't understand why she wouldn't let me comfort her."

"Idun, this is all very, **very** new. It will take time for her to adjust. For all of us to—"

"I don't want it to take time. Don't you see? These have been the longest two days of my life. I don't know how much more I can take... I hate watching her suffer."

"As do I. I would do anything in my power to undo this. I wish I could go back in time... see the warning signs."

"I find myself wishing that since magic caused this, that it could in turn, fix it. Is that silly?"

"No. Not at all. If only it worked that way," he mused.

"Magic." Idun whispered to herself as an idea came to mind.

"Hm?"

"Why **can't** magic fix her? What about the trolls?! They helped Anna, maybe Pabbie can—"

"I'm afraid this isn't exactly the same thing, dear," Agdar spoke gently as he stroked up and down the length of her arm. "There has been actual physical damage to her body, to correct that would require the ability to reproduce the human anatomy that is missing. As much as I wish they could help us, troll magic just doesn't work that way."

"I see," she said solemnly. "So… there really is nothing more we can do, just... accept and support."

"...Yes."

_Accept. _

_Okay..._

_Just say it, Idun. Say it and move on; stop feeling sorry for yourself. Be strong - for Elsa. _

_Accept it._

"Our daughter is deaf."

_There_.

He swallowed. "Yes."

She took a long, deep breath, exhaled slowly. Then, so composed and determined, it was as if she had become an completely different person: "okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay we need to make some changes. Accommodate her the best we can."

"What did you have in mind?"

"For one, we'll have to give them each their own bedroom. Elsa is extremely uncomfortable with the thought of being anywhere near Anna right now and I have no idea how long that will last. And we certainly won't be eating ice cream for breakfast every morning until it passes because we have to repeatedly convince Anna to sleep in a guest room."

Agdar chuckled softly and leaned down to kiss the crown of her head. "I think that is a wise decision, my queen."

She tipped her head up and caught his lips before he pulled back. "Mm, yes," she grinned, "what ever would you do without me?"

"I hope I never have to find out." He smoothed her hair away from her forehead, smiling down at her with pure affection.

"We're in this together."

"Yes, we are." He sighed, redirecting back to the topic at hand. "So... who do you suggest we relocate?"

"Well..." she thought, "their current room is the nearest room to ours. And I think it's probably best that we keep Elsa close. If she's not…" Idun closed her eyes fighting to hold on to her calm long enough to get through this conversation. "If she is uncomfortable being… vocal," she winced - verbalizing her previous realizations only made the situation hurt even more, "I want to be able to check on her easily."

"I agree. Anna is old enough now to do well despite a bit of distance from us; it's only a little farther down the hall," he added. "And Elsa... her powers have been surprisingly manageable so far, but an entire bedroom change might be one more change than she can handle right now."

"Then it's settled, we'll have it done tomorrow."

"Tomorrow then."

Agdar reached over to the bedside table to extinguish the lamp, the couple slipping deeper under the covers, settling into their usual spooning position.

"Goodnight, darling."

Idun pulled his arms tighter around her middle, finally feeling content. Perhaps things wouldn't be as terrible as she'd thought; as long as they were together, they could weather every storm. "Goodnight, my love."

Thunder struck a mere hour later – startling them awake – in the form of the bloodcurdling screams coming from the little girl in the next room.


	5. Coping

**So... yeah... this update is waaay overdue. I'm not even going to give reasons for it because they don't really matter. But, I haven't given up on this and I was determinted to get more up for you guys soon, so I made myself spend the day finishing it (at least half of it has been done for MONTHS). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.**

**Just a reminder, thoughts are italicized as well as anything written (those have quotes, too). That being said, this first part is a dream, which normally I'd put in italics, but because of the aforementioned reasons, that didn't work so well, so just letting you know up front... It's a dream. ;)**

* * *

"Anna, come back!" Elsa giggled, trying desperately to catch up to her little sister. All she could see were the two red pigtails that fluttered behind the small girl as she ran. "Anna! Wait up."

Then, the red disappeared and all she saw was white. A blanket of fresh snow covered as far as she could see.

Did she make that or had it been there all along?

"Aaaan-naaa!" She called. "Anna, where are you?!" Elsa staggered around in the snow. She wasn't cold, but she knew her sister would be soon. "Anna, answer me. It's cold, we need to go inside. Mama and Papa will be angry. Please. Anna, you need to yell louder, I can't hear you!"

Come to think of it, she couldn't even hear herself. _That's peculiar._ But she'd worry about that later, right now she had to find...

_ANNA!_

The snow was deep enough that Anna's nose didn't even poke past the surface of the hole she was lying in. She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping.

Except for all the blood. There was blood everywhere.

_Anna... No... Anna, please. Please wake up. Please._

She didn't hear the footsteps approaching. Nor was she aware of the frantic shouting or the barrage of questions being asked of her.

All she knew was that she was being carried away. So was Anna.

That was the last time she saw her.

They had a funeral.

Elsa sat on her bed, cuddling her handmade doll that was a look-alike to Anna. She missed her sister so much.

The room was eerily quiet, the same way everything had been since Anna got hurt.

She kissed the doll's face and hugged her again. _I love you so much, Anna. Why did you have to leave me?_

Just then, she happened to notice that a sheet of paper had been pushed under her door. She crept over and slowly picked it up.

_"You were supposed to save me, Elsa. I called you. I cried for you to help me and you didn't. You never came. You let me die. I was all alone, Elsa. You're my big sister, you were supposed to protect me. Why didn't you save me, Elsa? I didn't want to die. It's your fault I'm gone. All your fault."_

_No_. Elsa looked at the page, horrified. The messy red crayon against the paper reminded her of the way the blood had streaked through the freshly fallen snow. Anna's blood. _I did try to save you, Anna. I swear I did._

Another page slipped under the door. _"Your fault."_

_NO! I couldn't find you! I didn't hear you calling for me._ Elsa fell to her knees in front of the door, tears streaming down her cheeks. _I'm so sorry. I... I c__ouldn't hear you._

And another._ "Your fault."_

_Stop it! I promise, Anna. I promise I tried. I tried so hard._

And another._ "Your fault."_

Elsa laid down and curled up into a ball. _I couldn't hear you, Anna. _She wept into the soft yarn hair of her doll. _I couldn't hear you._

And another. _"YOUR FAULT."_

She clenched her eyes shut tightly, she couldn't bear to see another sheet and was thankful that she wouldn't be able to hear if any more were being pushed through, either.

_Because_ _I can't hear._

_can'thearcan'thearcan'thear_

She screamed.

* * *

Aside from the slight illumination it provided, the dim moonlight streaming in through the triangular window did little to shed any light on what was going on in their daughter's bedroom.

Agdar and Idunn rushed into the darkness, frantic to get to Elsa to see what was wrong. Still lying flat on her bed, she screamed incessantly, clawing at her ears and kicking her legs wildly.

"Is she in pain?!" Idunn cried out, horrified.

"I-I think she's having a nightmare."

Idunn reached her first and immediately scurried up onto the bed, promptly straddling Elsa's waist in hopes that she could easily grasp and pry her hands from her head - not that there was any further damage that could be done to her ears, but they still had to get her calm regardless. Because as awful as it was for her to see their daughter in such distress, one important fact would forever trump all else: Elsa's powers were no longer as innocent as they had once believed. The last thing they wanted was a repeat of Anna's accident on top of everything else.

It took a bit more effort than Idunn had anticipated - the eight year old wriggling beneath her was surprisingly strong - but she finally managed to get a solid grip and was able to pin the girl's tiny wrists firmly against the pillow, ignoring her instinctual reaction to pull away from the cold. After a moment or two of struggling against her restraints, Elsa stilled. Her eyes popped open suddenly, darting around as she scanned the room for what could have woken her.

Despite the darkness, her mother could make out enough to see the confusion that had quickly begun to wash over her as she stared up at her, eyes narrowing as she tried to make out the figure hovering above.

Her eyes hadn't had time to adjust, Idunn realized. _She can't tell who I am._

"Elsa. It's just me, it-" she cut herself off, wincing at her stupidity. _She can't hear me, either!_

She couldn't help wonder if any of this was ever going to feel normal again; albeit a new, different normal, she knew, but normal nonetheless. She didn't want her first instinct for comforting her daughter to always be reaching out to her with her voice, she wanted - needed - to learn new ways to be there for Elsa in ways that were specific to her needs. And she wanted so badly for it to come naturally; not second to what was considered the normal reaction, because wouldn't that then mean that Elsa was not normal?

No. Elsa was normal; she just couldn't hear. This was just another thing that now made Elsa 'Elsa'. After all, she may have been their firstborn - heir to the throne of an entire kingdom, and she may have also been born with a beautiful magical ability that neither of them had ever seen the likes of, but Idunn and Agdar had not raised her to think of herself as any more special than Anna or anyone else. And if those things that were seemingly good things had not made her anything other than normal, then this seemingly bad one would do no such thing either. Elsa was still as normal now as she was then, despite it all, and Idunn refused to think of her any other way. So, sure, at first it would require effort on her part, but later she hoped responding to Elsa's needs - though different from how she knew how to respond to Anna's - would become second nature to her. Neither expression of her love was right. Neither wrong. Neither abnormal compared to the other.

However, right now, in this moment with her hands occupied and her voice pointless, Idunn didn't know what more to do. She looked down helplessly, hoping the girl's vision would focus quickly.

It didn't happen soon enough, though. Apparently giving up for the moment, Elsa sucked in a shaky breath and slowly turned her head to the side looking towards her hand. She gave it a tug. When nothing happened, she whimpered, yanked harder, faster, crying out as she turned and attempted to see if she could free the other hand instead, but also to no avail. Tear pricked at Idunn's eyes, she wanted to release her and calm her fears, but until Elsa could piece together the situation on her own, letting her loose wasn't the safest idea, for Elsa or for herself.

Quick, rapids breaths wracked her little body as panic truly began to set in. "Nnnnhh..." she cried, fighting to get out from her mother's hold. "Nn-staaa-" Her protests strangled from choking on her own tears.

A lump rose in Idunn's throat, her eyes stung, she didn't want to think about the fear currently overwhelming her little girl. All Elsa knew was that there was someone - someone bad? - holding her down. In the dark of night, there was no way for her to know that these were her parents here before her, trying to help her, protect her... not terrify her.

"Agdar, the lamp." Idunn nodded in the direction of the bedside table. "Hurry! It's too dark. Her eyes haven't adjusted and she doesn't realize who we are. We're only frightening her more."

As soon as the light filled the room, she immediately released Elsa's hands and moved backwards, giving her space while allowing her time to process.

Now free, Elsa sat up and scrambled back against the headboard, panting heavily. Her hands held out in front her for protection. Thankfully, she dropped them after only a second, realizing who was before her and that she wasn't in any danger. She threw herself into her mother's arms and sobbed against her chest.

As she held her daughter tight, rocking her gently and softly running her fingers through her pale blonde hair, Idunn glanced over to her husband, who still stood awkwardly beside the bed - unsure of how to insert himself into this delicate situation. Both had the same question in mind: Now what?

It was a concern that had more than one connotation. And now, with Idunn settled against the headboard and a sleeping Elsa curled in her lap, she dared to broach the subject she wished they could avoid, but knew that they could not. It was a serious matter and it meant that things would need to change, no matter what conclusion they came to; it couldn't wait much longer.

"What do we do now... as far as her future is concerned? Can she still be queen?"

Agdar inhaled deeply and leaned heavily on the side of the bed while collecting his thoughts. "I've been asking myself that as well. Honestly, I don't know for sure. I would have to recheck to confirm, but I'm nearly certain that there are no laws that-"

"No. That's not what I meant. It's just that she's still so young and there's much for her to learn. How are we supposed to train her to rule when we can't even comfort her after a nightmare?" Idunn swiped the tears that were gathering in her eyes. "And what about our people. Would they accept her? How would they react to having a monarch with a... a disability?"

The irony that Elsa had been born with an extra ability only to lose a different one later was not lost on the Queen.

"We used to worry about what would happen if they found out about her powers, that they could try to hurt her if they felt threatened by what they didn't understand. But, at least she'd have her magic to defend herself. Now... what if they don't think she's capable of ruling? If anyone wanted to ki..." She trailed off, not able to voice that thought. "If they managed to break in or get to her somehow, she wouldn't hear..." Idunn looked down helplessly at her little girl, brushing loose hairs off of her face, wishing nothing more than to be able to keep her safe forever. "She... she would be so vulnerable..."

"Darling, you mustn't think that way." He sat down beside her, taking one of her hands in his. "We have good people. Kind people. They'll love her, just as she is."

"I hope so."

"Have faith, Idunn. In them... And in her." Agdar nodded towards his daughter and smiled. "Everything will be fine, you'll see. In the meantime, we'll just need to figure out a way for her to continue with her lessons. Once things settle down, of course."

"You really think she can?"

"I do. She's a bright girl. She's shown so much potential with her lessons thus far, I have no doubt that will only grow with time."

"But... how? I don't... If she can't..." she stumbled for the right words, not sure how to verbalize her worries. "Writing is working well enough for us now but, it takes so much time just to have a simple conversation as it is, how will she get proper instruction for her lessons? Things are harder to explain on paper. It'll take so much longer. That's not fair for her, to have to put in so much more time... But what other choice do we have?"

"I once heard about a language of sorts, that people who've lost their hearing use by communicating with their hands. I think it could be beneficial for us to try it. What do you think?"

"If it can help her, I'm willing to try anything."

"Then I will look into it and see if we can bring in a teacher to help."

Idunn nodded, then leaned over - careful not to disturb the sleeping bundle in her lap - and kissed his cheek. "You should go back to bed."

"And you?"

"I'm fine here."

"If you're sure."

She smiled. "I am."

"Okay." He got up off the bed and bent down to kiss her goodnight. "I'll check on Anna while I'm up."

When the door had been closed behind him, Idunn wiggled down a bit to find her and Elsa a more comfy position. She laid there a while, just looking into the face of her oldest daughter. She was so peaceful. Idunn was thankful that whatever had been tormenting her baby earlier seemed to be long gone now. She hoped she was having good dreams. Good, happy dreams.

_After everything she's been through, she deserves to be happy._

But she knew they had a long road ahead of them. Getting Elsa to a place where she felt normal again, where she was content with herself and all that she was, it would take a lot of time and patience.

"I'll be here for you every step of the way, sweetheart. We'll get you through this. I promise." She laid a tender kiss at her temple. "We'll help you be happy again."

* * *

Two days later, Elsa lay on her bed trying to read one of her storybooks, hoping to keep her mind from wandering to things she didn't want to think about. But, she kept getting distracted, even though nothing was going on to steal her attention. And it's not like she had anything better to do. She'd had her bath and recently finished her lunch. It was just that... the room felt so empty now, without her little sister's things to share the space.

Mama and Papa had had Anna moved to a new room, a little further down the hall. It was for the best, Elsa knew; it's what she wanted, actually. She still wasn't ready to see her. Not yet.

_Anna deserves to have a real room, with her toys and books, and not have to sleep in a guest room until I'm better... Will I ever really be better, though?_ That was a loaded question, one she chose not to dwell on for long.

_Anna's better now, though! Mama and Papa said the trolls fixed her right up._

However, even that good news couldn't lift her spirits, because... because...

_...Because it's my fault she wasn't okay. Because I hurt her._

She thought back to her dream, about how easily something could happen to Anna just because she was unlucky enough to have Elsa for a sister.

_Anna deserves to be happy. She deserves better than me._

But it was still hard, being alone. She hadn't had a room to herself since she was three, when she was the only child. Not that she really remembered what that was like anymore, it had been so long ago. And she hadn't known then what she was missing.

Now, she'd never felt so lonely.

Without Anna by her side, she knew things could never be the same. Anna was like the sun, without her there was nothing but darkness, threatening to swallow her whole.

Being trapped in a world of silence with only herself for company didn't help matters any. Elsa wasn't exactly the most cheerful person at the moment.

It hadn't even been a week and already she was feeling the effects of the isolation. Sometimes - most of the time - she felt like she wasn't really here, but just floating in the emptiness of everything her life had become.

Even when she had company, she felt alone. (And if she closed her eyes, it was like she may as well have been.) She not only lost her sister and her hearing, but also her way to communicate and feel connected to the world. She didn't know how to express herself anymore - to explain to her parents how she was feeling. It would have been hard enough to tell them even if she could talk to them, but having to write it down... to write **everything** down... It was awkward. And tiring. It was easier just to keep it in.

Suddenly, Elsa felt a gentle hand touch her shoulder. She jumped, nearly screamed, but settled quickly when she saw it was just her mother.

Idunn flinched, scrunching up her face with a smile Elsa knew was meant to be apologetic, and passed her a journal, already open to a message written out for her.

_"Elsa, your father and I would like you to meet someone. His name is Mr. Olsen and he came here to help us learn how to talk with you easier."_

Elsa looked up, clearly confused. Idunn pointed over to the doorway, where her father stood next to another gentleman. He was older, not very tall, but not short either... smaller than Papa, she noted. His hair was a light brown, but it was sprinkled with gray and his eyes were a warm shade of brown and sat behind a pair of glasses. She liked how wrinkly his face was. He looked kind. She smiled politely and waved, which he returned as the King led him into the room.

He passed her another book, she guessed that was one his. It was bigger than the ones they'd been using and the paper felt different. Again, a prewritten note topped the page he held open to her.

_"Hello, Princess Elsa. I'm Harald Olsen but you can just call me Harald, if you'd like. I am very sorry to hear about your recent accident, I know this must be a very hard time for you right now, but I'd like to try to help, if I may?"_

Elsa bit her lower lip and reached over to pluck a feather pen from her bedside table.

_"How?"_

A bright grin lit his face and he raised up a finger to tell her to wait just one second. He turned the page and Elsa looked back down...

_"I'm glad you asked!"_

Elsa giggled softly. Harald was a little silly... She liked him already.

_"I can teach you to sign. Which is, to use your hands to spell words and make gestures... Watch."_

She looked up again and saw Harald make a few movements with his hands. Then he pointed back to the book.

_"I just said: 'It's nice to meet you!' Isn't that neat?"_ Elsa giggled again, but quickly bit down on the tip of her thumb, she was still extremely shy about making noises she couldn't hear. It made her nervous. But she smiled at him and nodded. _It was very neat!_ She'd never seen anything like that before.

Quickly she scratched down another question: _"Are there signs for all the words? Can we really talk that way, about anything?"_

Harald peeked over at the note and then back to Elsa. He held up his fist and made a nodding motion with it, then nodded his head. "Yes."

Her smile - the biggest, brightest smile her parents had seen since before Anna's accident - felt like it was going to break her face. She was so excited! She'd never been so eager to learn anything in her whole life. It wasn't as good as talking (and being able to hear people talk back) but it was something. Something way more convenient than carrying a book and pens and ink around with her for the rest of her life.

_"Can we start now?"_

All three of the adults in the room laughed and bobbed their heads enthusiastically. "Of course, of course!" Harald said, simultaneously signing 'yes' for Elsa.

Once they were all settled - Elsa and Idunn perched on the edge of the bed, Harald and Agdar seated on the chairs they'd pulled up beside them - Harald borrowed the big book and asked Elsa if she'd like to learn to sign the alphabet. When she clapped her hands excitedly, he started off with A and mouthed the letter nice and slow for her. Everyone copied the sign easily, so they moved on to B and then C and so on. At the end, Elsa was grinning from ear-to-ear. She waved her hands to get everyone's attention and when she was sure she had it, she slowly spelled out E-L-S-A. Harald threw his hands in the air and cheered. She didn't have to hear him to know that she'd done it correctly.

Agdar leapt up and grabbed her face and plunked a kiss on her forehead. He pulled back and smiled at her. He was so proud. He pulled her into a big hug, squeezing just a little too tight. Elsa laughed quietly and tapped her hands against his back to signal her mild distress. _I love you, Papa, but I can't breathe!_

"Ah! Sorry." He leaned back and looked over his shoulder to Harald. "Mr. Olsen, how do you do the sign for 'I'm sorry'?"

Elsa watched the exchange as Harald held his fist to his chest and moved it in a clockwise motion.

"Don't forget to look apologetic when you do it. Facial expression are just as important as the sign."

Agdar nodded and turned back to Elsa. He made the same sign Harald had just done and Elsa snickered at the sad face he made for her. He looked too happy to be sad for real.

_'Sorry,'_ Elsa figured. She patted his shoulder. _It's okay._

From the corner of her eye, she noticed her mother's head was down. When she looked closer, she saw that her face was buried in her hands. _Is she crying?_ She watched as her body shook as she sobbed. _Mama? No. Don't cry, Mama. Please don't cry._

Elsa took one of her wrists and pulled it away. When Idunn looked up, Elsa was shaking her head with a quizzical expression.

"I'm just happy," she said and drew along her smile with her index finger for emphasis. But Harald was right there to show her the proper sign by making a couple small upward swiping motions in front of his chest, which she promptly repeated. "Happy."

_'Happy_.' Elsa grinned.

_Someday, I think... maybe I could be..._

She snatched the book up again, scribbling hurriedly before flipping it around to show the others.

_"This is fun! What's next?"_

* * *

**Real quick, before anyone jumps on me about inaccuracy... I just wanted to say that yes, I know I'm using ASL and I know that's American and would not have been used in Norway in the 1800s, buuuut I can't find information about what they did use there at that time, soooo, yeah... I'm going with ASL. Shh. Just pretend. ;)**


	6. Bittersweet

**A/N: I know this chapter is super short... I'm sorry, I honestly feel really bad about it. I wanted to write more, I tried, but this was a weird chapter for me, I only needed to set up a few things and then after that there was just nothing else I wanted to do with it that wouldn't have felt like filler and I hate doing that if it's not working towards a plot point. Anyway, it felt complete, despite the low word count, so I hope you guys still enjoy it. **

**On the bright side, I have almost 3k done of the next one, so it shouldn't be long before I get it up. **

* * *

Elsa had taken to signing beautifully. Harald always gushed about how impressed he was with her because of how quickly she was learning. He'd only have to show her something one time and she never forgot it. He had only been coming for a week and already Elsa was able to sign in short sentences. The others - her parents and Kai and Gerda - were doing well, too, but they were usually given work to practice on before Harald arrived the next day, much to Elsa's amusement. She was never given assignments, but that didn't mean she didn't practice anyway.

He worked with them for two hours every day, just after lunch, while Anna was occupied with her own studies. Sometimes King Agdar had to slip in and out or occasionally miss a lesson entirely, but he tried to make sure he could be there as much as he could. He not only loved seeing the joy that learning to sign had brought to his little girl, but it was also important for him to learn for himself as well. Elsa knowing how to sign wouldn't do her any good if she had no one to communicate with, and more than anything, he wanted to be able to talk to her again. That was why he cleared the two hour block in his schedule as often as he could. The time he spent there was no less important than anything else that occupied his time. And considering Elsa was the heir and there were things he had to teach her personally, learning to sign was not only critical for the well-being of their family, but for Arendelle as well.

* * *

"You can still speak aloud to her while you sign," Harald explained one afternoon. "Just go slowly enough for her watch your lips form the words." He paused to scratch a note in his book and passed it over to Elsa before he went on. "Once they've mastered the ability, lip reading is extremely helpful to the deaf. Not everyone she'll interact with will be able to sign, but if she can decipher what they're saying, she's at more of an advantage than if she shared no communication skills with the person at all. And if one day she chooses to speak... Well, then it'll be almost like nothing ever changed."

While the adults were talking, Elsa read the page. _"Elsa, from now on I want you to pay close attention to the way people's mouths move when they speak to you. I've instructed your parents to talk slowly, to let you try to see the words form on their lips. You can also practice by yourself in front of a mirror, if you'd like. Even if you don't feel comfortable using your voice, you can still work your mouth to make the words or sounds."_ When she looked up, Harald was looking at her kindly.

"Okay?" he asked, enunciating nice and slow for her. A shy smile pulled at her lips and she held up her little fist to sign 'yes'.

"Excellent!" He clapped his hands together once and addressed the others in the room. "If she can pick up lip reading as easily as she learns signing, I have no doubts whatsoever that this transition will be a smooth one for her." Elsa looked to him eagerly, ready for something new to learn. He smiled at his star pupil. "Now then, let's get to work, shall we?"

* * *

Harald was taking a few minutes at the end of the class to work with Elsa one-on-one when they were interrupted by the sound of two tiny fists banging on the bedroom door.

"Elsaaa!"

Agdar and Idunn glanced at each other uncomfortably. Whose turn would be it be to send her away this time?

"Elsa. It's me. Anna. Can I come in?" She jiggled the handle, but found it to be locked, as it had been for the last couple weeks.

"She must've finished early with her riding lesson," Agdar said.

Harald turned to the king and queen, not sure what they wanted him to do. Elsa looked confused, unaware of her little visitor outside the door.

"Please, Mr. Olsen," Agdar gestured towards Elsa, "continue."

The man nodded and turned his attention back to his student.

"I MISS YOU!"

"I hate this," Idunn muttered. "I don't know what to do anymore. No matter how many times we've explained to her that Elsa isn't well, she still comes. It breaks my heart to see how hard this is for her."

"I've led her away from here as well, usually at least twice each day." Gerda added sadly.

"As have I," Kai admitted. "Although I've had to resort to bribing her with chocolate."

Gerda looked into her lap guiltily. "Me, too."

"She's no fool," the King smirked.

"Agdar, please," Idunn glared at him. "This is serious."

"Don't you miss me, too, Elsa?!" The little voice carried through the keyhole. "Come on! Let's go play."

Agdar sighed. He hated this, too. "Not today, Anna," he called.

"Oh!" She squeaked, clearly not expecting a reply from her father. "Okay... Bye."


	7. Progression

**A/N: Another update in less than two weeks, what is this craziness?! ;P Serioiusly, though, this chapter came as a surprise to me, too. I got a review yesterday that got me thinking about something and I realized that I needed to do this before I could post the chapter I had planned to go next. So THANK YOU, LYANAH for the inspiration for this one. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, so I hope you guys like it.**

**Oh and a couple quick notes. Reminder that thoughts are italicized and signing and writing are in quoted italics. Also, the year progression means since the first part of the story, not from the scene just before... Hope that makes sense!**

* * *

**One Year Later**

_"Elsa. Darling. Your father and I have been thinking, and... Well, we think perhaps it's time that we tell Anna about the accident."_

_"No!"_ Elsa leapt from the chair at her desk and rushed to her parents. She grabbed each of their hands and shook her head frantically, her eyes begging, pleading. _No, no, no. Please don't!_

_"Elsa,"_ her father signed, then slipped his other hand free so he could go on._ "it's been over a year now. You've adjusted so well. You're signing and have been able to restart your lessons. Everything is... almost like it was. Don't you think it's time to try assimilating back into your life? Leaving this room, eating meals with us, riding your pony—"_

She gripped onto his arm again. _Please stop!_ Didn't he know that she couldn't have those things? She wanted them, of course she did, more than anything, but she was where she was supposed to be. Away from Anna, where she wouldn't frighten her or make her sad, and most importantly, where she couldn't hurt her or anyone else. Out there, there were too many variables, too many things that could go wrong and make her lose control again. No, staying in her room was the safest option; she'd learn to be happy there.

Just thinking about leaving her room and Anna finding out her secret had her nerves on edge. She knew her heart was racing, she could feel the pounding in her chest.

When she noticed the ice spreading beneath her palms - seeping and spreading up the sleeves of her parents arms - she jerked her hands away and clutched them to her chest. She couldn't pull her eyes off the frozen patches of dress and jacket. _I almost hurt them!_

Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she looked down helplessly at her clasped hands. If only she could still sign and protect her parents from the dangers within her at the same time. Stepping backwards slowly, she signed an almost imperceptible "I'm sorry."

The king tried to close the distance, but for every step he took forward, Elsa took another back. _"Elsa. It's okay. It was just a little frost. We're fine. Please, calm down. It's really all right."_

But she didn't believe him. How could she? _"It's not okay! Don't you see? I hurt Anna, I hurt myself and now I almost hurt you, too. I'm dangerous!"_ The small spark of ice that shot from her hand and made her jump, reminded her that she was supposed to be 'quiet'. She pulled her hands in close again and tucked them under her arms and proceeded to back away. She cried out when she'd bumped into the side of her bed unexpectedly. When she grasped ahold of the quilt for leverage, ice spread there, too and suddenly she was sobbing. Even with blurred vision, she saw her mother coming closer, despite the fact that right now was not a good time to have her fussing over her. Elsa couldn't let her, no matter how much she wanted to be held.

_"Could you please leave?"_

_"Elsa."_

She stomped her foot, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. _"Go!"_

And so, with much reluctance, they did.

Elsa ran to her desk, yanked open drawers until she'd found the little book she was looking for - she hadn't needed it for months. After scribbling down a quick few words, so ripped out the page and shoved it underneath her door.

_"I'm not ready. And I don't know if I ever will be."_

* * *

**Four Years Later**

"...and then he licked me right in the face!"

"Anna. Sweetheart, that's disgusting."

Anna giggled. "I know, Mama. But I wiped it off on my skirt," she stopped walking and tipped her check towards her mother. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Not until you've had a bath!" Idunn laughed and playfully pushed the child's face away. They continued walking through the gardens, swinging they clasped hands as Anna went on and on about her latest encounter with the castle's newest foal.

"I never knew horse tongues were so tickle-y!" She made a slurping sound and bounced on her toes excitedly. "I've got to tell Elsa!"

And then she remembered. Her face fell and her whole body slumped. "Not that she'll care," she muttered, kicking the dirt with the toe of her boot, " she never answers me."

Neither of them spoke. What more was there to say? Anna was right and there wasn't a thing Idunn could say that would make that fact any less painful.

Anna continued kicking at the ground. Rocks and chunks of grass skipped along the pathway. It wasn't like her daughter to be so quiet and the silence, along with the guilt of a kept secret, weighed so heavily on the queen that she would have swore that she had about six cloaks on if she hadn't known better.

After what felt like forever, but was probably only mere minutes, Anna's small voice came again. "Mama?"

"Hmm?"

"Why doesn't Elsa like me anymore?"

"Anna..." The queen wrapped her arm around her youngest daughter's shoulders and sat them down on a nearby bench. "We've told you. Your sister loves you very, very much. Elsa's just... Well... She's not the same." And while that was more than true, the queen added, "as you."

The nine year old's face scrunched in confusion. "How do you mean?"

_She used to be able to hear and now she can't. She used to talk and now she doesn't._ This is what Idunn wanted to say, but she didn't. Instead, she went with another truth.

"You know that God made each of us differently." Anna nodded and her mother continued. "You like playing outside and getting dirty. You're rambunctious and noisy." She smiled, but then looked away and squinted up at the sun. "And Elsa's... Not. She..." Idunn swallowed, trying to loosen the sudden tension in her throat. "She's quiet. She likes to stay in and read and is perfectly content being by herself."

"But I miss her," the little girl pouted, "doesn't she miss me?"

"Of course she does, sweetheart." Idunn pulled her daughter in close and kissed her hair. "She loves being your big sister."

"I wish she'd just tell me that."

"I don't think she knows how."

Anna scoffed at the seemingly ridiculous answer. "Uh, with her mouth! Obviously."

Idunn couldn't help but laugh, but oh... _If only._ "Sometimes things aren't as easy as they seem."

Anna pondered that for a bit. Then, "if I wrote her a letter, do you think that'd be okay?"

"You know, I think that'd be very 'okay'."

* * *

**Five Years Later**

_You can do it, Elsa, it's just the library. Grab the book, come right back. Simple!_ The princess worried at her bottom lip. Why did she have this gut feeling like something was bound to go wrong? _Don't be stupid, it's a short walk and to the LIBRARY of all places, nothing can go wrong. Anna's at her riding lesson, the staff are having lunch... The timing is perfect. You can do this!_

And she almost did, until she rounded a corner on her way back and almost ran right into Anna. Literally.

The girl was filthy, covered head to toe with mud and grass stains, her pigtails were nappy and adorned with leaves. And... She was crying. Elsa dropped her gaze and saw that Anna had her left arm cradled against her chest.

She wanted to reach out to inspect her sister's injury. She wanted to ask if she was okay, but she had a book in her hand and couldn't easily do either. Then she remembered that she shouldn't touch Anna, anyway. Now or ever. She also remembered that Anna didn't sign. Anna didn't even know Elsa was deaf.

She had to get back to her room. Now.

But Anna's mouth was moving and Elsa didn't know what to do. She couldn't just run away while her sister was mid-conversation, could she? Wouldn't that be rude? But then what about when she was finished and it was Elsa's turn to talk and she stood there with her mouth gaping like a fish? Also rude.

And then somehow her mother was there. Thankfully, she must have recognized the panic on her daughter's face. She touched Elsa's arm and when they'd made eye contact, she nodded and shooed her away with her eyes. The blonde didn't have to be told twice. She spared her little sister a parting glance and then took off running to her room. As she opened the door, she dared to peek back, hoping her mother would do the same. She did, and Elsa signed a quick message to her before darting inside and slamming the door.

_"Tell her 'I'm sorry.'"_

* * *

**Seven Years Later**

_Happy Birthday, Elsa!_

_I can't believe you're 15! You're like, old enough to get married now if you wanted to. Not that I think you want to, but you know, I'm just saying you could, if you did. But you'd have to come out of your room and I don't think you want to do that._

_I wish you came out today, though. It's your birthday and you can't have a nice birthday if you're all alone._

_I really miss you, Elsa. So, so much. I know I tell you that all the time in my letters, but I really do. I'm super happy that you write me back sometimes, but it's not the same as getting to actually talk to you. I still don't know why you won't, either. Do you think you sound like a troll or something? Because I really doubt that you do. You're too pretty to have a troll voice. At least, you were when I saw you that last time. Not that you're not pretty now, I didn't meant that. I'm sure you're still pretty! Beautifuller, even. Wait, no, not 'fuller' fuller, just you know, more beautiful._

_Anyway. I helped Gerda make you a cake today. It's chocolate. You do still like chocolate cake, right? I knew you wouldn't come out to blow out candles, so I kind of already had a piece. Sorry. It's really good, though, that's why I told you that. When we cut your piece out, I couldn't NOT try some! I hope you're not mad. Yours is out here whenever you want it. I even put a bowl over it to keep it from getting crusty. Or stepped on._

_Your loving sister,_

_Anna_

_P.S. Please write back! _

_... ... ... _

_Anna,_

_Thank you so much for the cake. It was delicious. (And yes, I most definitely still like chocolate cake! I adore any and all chocolate.) It was very thoughtful of you to cover it for me, it wasn't crusty OR stepped on when I got it and I enjoyed it very much. I'm glad that you got to have some, too. Why would I be mad?_

_I'm sorry that this is the best I can do and that I can't make you happy and talk with you or come out to see you. You deserve better._

_For what it's worth, I miss you, too._

_Love,_

_Elsa_

_P.S. I'm not getting married anytime soon, or at all, if I have any say._

* * *

**Ten Years Later**

They came to her room to see her before their ship left for Corona.

_"It's only two weeks."_

_"But..."_ Two weeks felt like an eternity to Elsa when two of the only four people she could communicate with were leaving her. _"Do you have to go?"_

Her father smiled placatingly. _"You'll be fine, Elsa."_

She pouted and shook her head stubbornly, but they didn't respond to her childish behavior. After all, she was eighteen now; she wasn't a baby and they weren't going to feed into letting her act like one. She would be in charge while they were gone. Exactly how that supposed to work, though, Elsa wasn't sure. Signing papers in her room, she supposed. She was told that Kai would attend the council meetings in their stead and there were advisors who would help make the small decisions, but if something big came up, the ultimate choice in the matter would be hers.

They kissed her and tried to hug her goodbye, but Elsa couldn't move. With new responsibilities suddenly thrust upon her, worries that her secrets would be exposed and the fear of being left as alone as she'd ever been, it felt like her tiny little world was collapsing.

She watched them go; reassuring smiles and waves, and then they were gone behind the white and blue snowflake door.

_How am I going to make it for two whole weeks without anyone to talk to? _Well, she did have Gerda and Kai, but they only had so much free time to spare for her, but Elsa supposed it would have to do. She sighed. _At least it was only two weeks, _she reasoned_. It could be worse._


	8. Reunion

**A/N: Nope, you're not imagining things, I really am updating again. :P This one has been on my mind since I had the idea for the story and I was so excited to finally get to write it out. Now that it's done, part of me loves it and the other part is nit-picking _everything_ because I'm worried I haven't it done it justice. But, I really hope you guys like it. And if you do and you can spare a minute to review, I'd love to know what you thought. **

* * *

"Elsa?" Anna knocked on her sister's door. Again. It'd been four days since they learned of their parents' deaths and she had yet to see any sign of her. Elsa hadn't even attended their funeral. Anna pounded a little harder. "Come on, Els, this is getting ridiculous... Our parents are dead, the least you could do is come out for five minutes and act like my big sister for once in your life!"

"Princess?"

The redhead looked over her shoulder to find Kai standing there with an uncomfortable look on his face. "I-I'm sorry for shouting, Kai," she turned away sheepishly.

"You're free to do as you wish, Your Highness," he smiled warmly. "If I may say so, though, your sister is having a rough time. Perhaps you could give her a little more time?"

"**She's** having a rough time?!" _I can't believe this. He's defending her._ "I'm fifteen and both of my parents are dead. And I have a sister who may as well be because I never see her! **I** am having a rough time, too!"

Kai nodded. "My apologies, Princess. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise."

Anna pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "No, Kai. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking my frustrations out on you. I'm just... really stressed and I... I guess I'm just a little angry that Elsa doesn't need me as much as I need her."

"I don't know if that's entirely true, Your Highness."

Anna quirked a brow and gestured to the door. "She sure has a funny way of showing it, then."

"I'm sure she would if she could." Kai smiled again. "Good day, Princess Anna," he bowed and continued on down the hallway.

Anna stared at his retreating form until he turned around a corner.

_Well that was cryptic._

* * *

Just like she'd done every day since she got the news, Anna climbed into her parents bed and curled beneath the covers and cried until her tear ducts were empty. She missed them so much, but she felt close to them there. And with the weight of the duvet wrapped around her, it almost felt like they were with her, hugging her.

_Because I'm certainly not getting one from Elsa any time soon._

She stayed there a little longer before she decided it was time to get up or else she'd end up falling asleep. So she got down, slid her shoes on and stretched nice and tall with a big yawn.

When she opened her eyes, she caught sight of herself in the mirror over her mother's vanity.

_I didn't even sleep and my hair is still a wreck! How is that even possible?_ She sighed and walked closer, trying her best to fix the tangles with her fingers. When it looked halfway decent, she started to step away, but she noticed something she'd never seen before. On the jeweled tray where her mother would set her combs and perfumes, there was a small loop of light blue ribbon.

_Mama didn't use ribbons in her hair..._

She picked it up carefully and found that it was attached to a silver key with an "E" engraved on it.

_A key to Elsa's room_, she realized. She slipped her hand through the loop; it was a perfect fit for wearing. _Mama must have kept it tucked in her sleeve._

Anna thought for a moment about the key and what it meant now that she had it. _I could finally see Elsa!_ But she quickly shook the idea out of her head. _No, I can't do that. That wouldn't be right._

_...But I do really want to see her. And who knows if she's ever going to come out of there on her own._ She debated another second or two and then put the key under the cuff of her sleeve before she turned on her heel and marched out of the room.

* * *

"Okay, Elsa. I have a key, but I don't want to use it if I don't have to. So I'm giving you one more chance to open up or I swear I'm coming in!"

She lined up the key at the hole...

"One."

Slid it into the slot...

"Two."

Turned it...

"I'm serious, Elsa."

And paused briefly. _Fine_.

"Three!"

Before she could change her mind, she pushed the handle down, threw open the door and stormed inside.

"Els—woah!" Her arms flailed as she slipped and fought to keep herself from falling on a patch of ice. _What the—?_ "Elsa, why in the world is your room covered in all this ice?! I mean, I obviously know you made it with your magic, but why so much? I can't even see the walls!"

The blonde didn't have a response to that. In fact, she didn't even turn to acknowledge the girl's presence, she just sat curled up in the corner of her window seat looking out into the starry night.

Anna carefully made her way across the room, avoiding any other patches that were in her way. "Look, I... I just want to talk."

When she'd made it to Elsa and the girl still hadn't turned around, what little patience Anna had left at the moment had worn thin. She grabbed hold of her sister's arm and pulled her around to face her. "Hey!"

Elsa yelped and tried to scramble even farther into her corner, but she was already pressed as tight into the sides as physically possible. She whimpered a little and Anna immediately let go of her. _Shoot, I didn't mean to squeeze that hard. I wasn't trying to hurt her._

The older girl darted away and went to curl up in a corner of her room instead.

_She's acting like I... Oh no. Did I... I scared her?_

"Oh gosh, Elsa. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that," Anna explained and she tentatively made her way over to her. "I mean, I kinda **did** but I didn't mean to hurt you. Or scare you. A-are you okay?"

Her sister shook her head, though the motion was so slight that she wasn't sure she'd really seen it or not. But Elsa didn't say a word, she just hugged her knees close to her chest and stared up at her with wide, watery blue eyes.

"Uh, Elsa? ...Are you all right, or not?"

She knew Elsa apparently had some issues with talking to her, but at a time like this, Anna figured she could push that aside long enough to have a simple conversation with her.

"Will you **please** talk to me? I said I was sorry!"

Still, she got no response, just more of that weird stare - like she was watching her so closely and at the same time, not seeing her at all. She was avoiding eye contact and seemed to be focused on... her mouth?

Anna groaned loudly, beyond frustrated. "What is WRONG with you?! Stop looking at me like that and just SAY something. You act like... like... like you can't even hear me!"

And then, Elsa was crying. She tucked her head into her arms and was making the most pitiful sobbing sounds that Anna had ever heard.

_Nice job, Anna._

Even if her sister was driving her crazy right now, she didn't get any satisfaction from seeing her like this. And she hated knowing that she had somehow managed to upset her enough to be the cause of it.

"She can't."

Anna whirled around to find Gerda standing in the doorway, her wrinkled hands fiddled absently with her apron.

"W-what?"

"Hear you. She... she can't. She's deaf." Gerda stepped closer and reached out to Anna sympathetically. "I know you're confused. And I promise we'll tell you everything, but please," she glanced over at Elsa, huddled in the corner, "just... give me a minute." Gerda strode past her and hurried across the room to where Elsa sat trembling. Anna watched dumbstruck as the housekeeper made a series of gestures to her sister until, finally, Elsa sniffled and nodded and let her help her to her feet. She immediately clung to the woman as she led her back to the window seat. "It's her favorite spot," Gerda explained offhandedly as they sat down. She kept an arm wrapped around Elsa's shoulders and with the other she patted the space beside her on the bench, "come, dear. Have a seat."

"She... She really can't hear?" Anna asked warily as she sat down. "Not even a little? Like, even if something was super loud?"

Gerda shook her head sadly. "No. Nothing at all."

_Oh, Elsa... No wonder she looked so terrified, seeing me agitated with her like that... and hurting her. She had no clue what was going on._

"But I... I don't understand. She was fine before. How di—...How long has she...?"

"Since she was eight."

"Eight?" Anna could feel her eyes prickling and she was sure they had to have looked about as wide as salad plates. "But that was ten years ago. She hasn't been able to hear for ten **years**?"

Gerda didn't reply. She didn't have to - they both knew that - Anna wasn't really asking, she was just working things out, trying to makes sense of everything.

"That's such a long time." Anna could feel tears slipping down her own cheeks now, she wiped at where they were gathering under her jaw. "So... Does that mean she can't talk, either?"

"Well, no. She **can** talk, as in she's fully capable of it, but she chooses not to. There have been occasional slips over the years, though nothing more than a few sounds or syllables here and there that I've ever heard. She's extremely self-conscious about it. Understandably so."

_That would explain some things. Like, **a lot** of things..._

"How does she communicate, then?"

"We use sign language. Which is where you use your hands to make words."

"...That's what you were doing over there in the corner."

"Yes."

"What did you say?"

"I was just telling her that everything was okay. That I was here for her and that she was safe and there was nothing to be afraid of, that you just wanted to talk and understand. I asked her if she was ready for you to know everything."

"You can really say all that with just your hands?"

"Oh, yes. It really is a remarkable innovation. It's so much faster than writing back and forth to one another. Elsa hated that. She was so excited when she learned about signing, though, she said it almost made her feel normal again. It's a lot easier for her, at least with us - the ones who can sign, too. Me and Kai... And your parents, of course."

"I want to learn. As soon as possible."

"Of course, Your Highness."

It was quiet a little while; Anna gathering her thoughts, Gerda waiting, and Elsa, seemingly trying to blend into the background.

"Why didn't anyone ever tell me?" Anna asked finally. "I should have learned to sign when you all did. I should have known. I... I should have been there for her."

Seeing Elsa now, how her eyes blinked lazily at the hands that fidgeted in her lap - how easy it was to zone out when you were oblivious to a conversation, made Anna's heart break. It hurt her to think about how much of the last ten years Elsa spent in her own private world.

_She must have felt so alone._

"How did it happen?" she asked softly.

Again, Gerda didn't say anything, but she did shift her gaze over to Elsa

"I think those are questions your sister would rather explain to you herself." Gerda turned to her other side - where Elsa sat with her head bowed - and gently clasped the girl's chin and tipped her head up until they'd made eye contact. "Are you ready to tell Anna about what happened?"

Elsa's face puckered; her lower tip quivered pitifully as tears once again welled in her eyes. But still, she nodded. Gerda pulled her close and kissed her forehead before releasing her and standing up. Elsa reached for her, she looked utterly petrified.

"Shh," she cooed. "I'm not going anywhere."

Gerda nudged Anna over slightly and then claimed the girl's previous spot - putting Anna in the middle and yet still staying within Elsa's line of sight.

Elsa visibly relaxed, just a little, and very, very slowly, she turned to face Anna. As soon as their eyes met, Elsa looked away. A few seconds passed before she lifted her hands and brought her nervous gaze back to the redhead.

_"Do you remember the night when I accidentally hurt you with my powers?"_

Anna heard Elsa's words via Gerda's mouth. It was strange and would take some getting used to, but she didn't want to make a big deal about it. She didn't want Elsa to feel bad, so she'd have to try to make the best of it.

"Yes, of course. How could I forget?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the housekeeper translating for her, signing along as Elsa watched. "It was the beginning of the worst part of my life."

Elsa flinched and went to stand up and, Anna guessed, to run away. She caught her mid-rise by her upper arms and jumped up to block her path. "No." Anna gently, but firmly pushed her back down. "Sit." When she believed that Elsa wouldn't take off, she crouched down in front of her and took her face in her hands. "It was the worst part of my life because that's when you stopped being in it."

Elsa stole a glance at Gerda's hands and when she turned back, she looked... mad? She opened her mouth like she wanted nothing more than to yell at her little sister right now, but she just snapped her jaw shut and growled.

_Okay, that was way too cute._ Anna fought back a smile. _No! She's clearly upset. Serious face, Anna. Serious, serious, serious..._

_"But I hurt you!"_

_When I was five! _"So?"

Elsa's eyes just about fell out of their sockets. She stood up, towering over Anna. _"SO?"_ she signed angrily. _"You were practically dead, Anna!"_

"Els, sit down, will you? Seriously, I'm fine. See?" She got to her feet and gestured to herself. "I was fine as soon as Mama and Papa brought me to the trolls. The old one healed me and then I came home that night and woke up the next day and I was as good as new, except... Except you weren't there. They gave me a new room and... and... I guess that must have been when it happened?"

Anna took a deep, calming breath, things were starting to make sense, she just had to talk it out. "You must have been getting sick. That's why you didn't come to the trolls with us, right? Mama and Papa didn't want you to get worse. But then you got worse anyway and they didn't want us sharing a room so you didn't give me your germs." Anna frowned. "They told me that you weren't feeling well and that's why I couldn't even go see you, but they said that for weeks... If you were sick that long, it must have been pretty bad. But I guess it would have had to be if that's what made you lose your hearing. I've heard that some illnesses can cause hearing loss, but the person would have to be really, really sick."

She heard Gerda sigh. "Princess Anna..."

Elsa dropped her head and practically melted back onto the seat.

_What's wrong now? I figured it out on my own, shouldn't they be happier? Unless... Unless I didn't figure it out. _Anna looked helplessly at Gerda and sat back down. "I don't understand. Wasn't she sick? How else—"

_"I did it to myself."_

Anna blinked. "...What?"

_"I wasn't sick, Anna. It was an accident. When I hurt you and Papa told me I had to stay here while they took you away... I was so afraid that you weren't coming back and I'd never see you again. That they were going to come home and say that you were dead and that it was all my fault... And they would have been right, it **was** my fault your life was in danger, so..."_

Anna put her hand over Elsa's and gently pushed them down. "Elsa. No, that's not true."

Elsa pulled her arms away, knocking Anna's hand to the side. She wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks and continued...

_"The whole time you all were gone, I just kept hearing these thoughts: 'They'll hate you.', 'How could they ever love you again?', 'You deserve to be punished for what you did…'"_

Clearly, recalling those thoughts so easily was evidence that even after all this time - ten long years - they still were as fresh and painful to Elsa as they were the day this all began. The thought of her sister being haunted in such a way made Anna sick. She couldn't imagine what it was like for her to live like that. Sure, Anna had ended up being all right, but Elsa didn't know that before those thoughts had already entered her mind. And they were dark and scarring and terrible things - to think you possessed something that had the potential to make someone you love think those things about you... Anna never thought about that before. She'd always thought of Elsa's powers as a gift, something beautiful and fun. Never would she have imagined that her sister's magic could bring anything other than happiness.

_"They just kept coming and coming. Louder and angrier... I tried to cover my ears. I just wanted it to stop... It didn't work, though. The voices were in my head, so I couldn't get away... 'You killed your baby sister.'"_

Elsa was sobbing so hard, her hands were shaking as she signed. Anna wanted to scoop her up and hold her, to reassure her that she was not dead, that she was here with her and always would be from now on. But she also knew that Elsa had to get everything out in the open so that she could move on, so that **they** could move on, together. Anna didn't want to do anything to jeopardize their healing, so she sat patiently and waited for her to go on.

_"When it got to be too much, I guess I screamed - Gerda says it was the worst sound she's ever heard in her life..."_ She looked at the older woman and smiled apologetically. _"That's the last thing I remember before I blacked out. When I woke up, my ears were throbbing. The pain was excruciating... I couldn't remember what had happened, so I didn't know what was wrong. I was dizzy and I couldn't move my head at all without feeling sick. Then I realized that I wasn't hearing anything so I tried hitting my ears, but it didn't help. I noticed that there was a bandage wrapped around my head. When I pulled it off there was blood where it covered my ears. I panicked. I tried to feel what was wrong with them, but someone was holding my arms down and I didn't know why. They weren't in my line of sight and with the pain and dizziness, it was hard to move, so I couldn't see who it was... I was so disoriented, I didn't know if someone was trying to hurt me or if they already did... It was all quite horrific, to be honest."_

"I can't imagine," Anna mumbled.

_"But then Mama was there, and she held me. And Papa was there, too."_

Anna laid her hand on Elsa's knee. "I wish I could have been there for you."

Elsa looked uncomfortable; she tensed so that it seemed like she was about to make a run for it again, her mouth worked silently, her eyes unnaturally wide to keep the tears that welled from spilling. She shook her head and looked away, not wanting Anna to see her cry. But, of course Anna knew. She saw her sneak a wipe at her eyes. She saw the way her shoulders trembled. Admitting that she also heard the hitched sounds from the cries Elsa was trying so hard to hide - sounds she was completely unaware were betraying her - seemed like a violation.

A few minutes passed in silence before Elsa began again. Gerda's voice snapped Anna out of her thoughts.

_"They told me later that there was ice in my ears, but that it was so sharp and so deep that I must have done it intentionally. If that's true, Anna, I swear I don't remember." _Elsa's eyes were pleading for her sister's understanding. A pain shot through Anna's chest as she realized just how much Elsa needed her approval. _"I wouldn't have consciously hurt myself, especially if I'd known this would have been the consequence. I think... I think it all happened so fast and I just wanted for the bad thoughts to go away... I don't know. I don't know if I let my body take over. I don't know if it was emotional overload and my powers surged... I just... I don't know."_

Anna nodded vigorously as she pulled her sister in for a hug. She hoped it would convey everything she was feeling, that it didn't matter to her how it happened or even that it **did** happen, what mattered to her most was Elsa herself. She just wanted her to be happy.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked when they pulled apart and she'd made sure Gerda had her sister's attention. "I mean, I know this isn't new for you anymore, but obviously it's permanent, right? I'm assuming Mama and Papa tried everything they could to get you help..."

Elsa nodded. _"The damage was too extensive. My eardrums and everything were obliterated. There was nothing left to even attempt to salvage or hope would heal." _She shrugged._ "It is what it is."_

"But what about the trolls? If they could heal me, I'm sure they could heal you, too."

_"Papa said there wasn't anything they could do. If my eardrums were just damaged, maybe they could have fixed them, but it's not like they can make me new ones."_

"Oh," she sighed and slouched against the window. She really wished she could think of something good, some useful way to help.

As If she had read her mind, Elsa smiled. _"It's okay, Anna," _she signed._ "I've been this way a long time now - for most of my life. Longer than I was ever... normal." _Elsa made a face but quickly dismissed it with the soft huff of a laugh; little wisps of snow flurries danced over her palm and she shrugged._ "Not that I was ever 'normal'. But... I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's just... It's a part of who I am and I've learned to accept that. Do you..." Elsa bit her lip and turned away before taking a deep breath and starting again. "Do you think **you** can? I know this is probably weird for you, but... Can you still love me," _she touched her ears and mouthed_, "like this?"_

The words, quietly uttered from Gerda's mouth, felt like they'd knocked the wind out of her. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, not knowing exactly what to say or how to make sure it came out right so that Elsa would understand. "Oh, Elsa," she sighed. _How could you even think something so stupid?_

Anna leaned forward and took her sister's hands in her own. Elsa looked down at her nervously, waiting. "Elsa." She looked to Gerda for help. "She can read my lips, right? It kind of seems like she has been so far." The older woman nodded with a gentle smile, urging her to continue. Anna nodded once and then turned back. "I love you so, **so** much, Els. I always have and I always will. Nothing could ever change that. This," she brought Elsa's hands between them and held them to her own heart, "and this," Anna said as she freed a hand and held it against one of Elsa's ears, "don't change anything. I mean, sure it changes a little, but not how I feel about you." She smiled up at her, "you're my big sister, Elsa. You'll always be perfect to me."

Elsa closed her eyes, tears streamed down her face as she leaned into Anna's palm.

Anna, at a loss for what to do, reached out and guided her down to her chest, where the blonde curled up, grabbed fistfuls of her sister's skirt, and continued to cry. She figured Elsa was just happy, until the crying progressed into body-shaking, hiccuping sobs.

"What did I do, Gerda?" Anna worried, her eyes wide with panic. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no, dear. You said all the right things," Gerda encouraged. "You sister has been fearful of this moment for such a long time now. I think she's just overwhelmed that it's over and that you're still here."

"But..." She looked down at Elsa and began to gently comb her fingers through her hair, it was still as baby soft as she remembered. Anna missed being this close. She missed having a sister. "All I've ever wanted was to have her back. Now that I've got her, I don't even want to let her out of my sight. There's certainly no way I could ever leave her. Especially after learning all this. Did she honestly think I'd turn my back on her because she's different? I love her just the way she is. How could she not have known that?"

"You and I know both know that, Princess, but Elsa..." Gerda regarded the queen-to-be with a sad smile. "She fears the worst but seems resigned to it because she thinks that's what she deserves."

Anna blinked. "Wait, what? Why would she think she deserves bad things?"

Gerda arched a brow and looked at her pointedly.

"Because she made **one** mistake?"

"Elsa's always been too hard on herself."

She sighed and leaned down and wrapped her arms around her sister. "You big dummy," Anna mumbled into her hair. "What am I going to do with you?"

That's when she realized that Elsa had stopped crying. Anna nudged her a little, trying to tilt her so they could see one another and she could ask if she was all right, but her sister was like dead weight on her lap and her head lolled back into the crook of Anna's arm. "She's asleep."

The relaxed look on her face made the redhead's heart swell with affection. _She looks so peaceful. _Holding her sister like this and getting to study every light freckle and every long lash up close... Learning her secrets... Anna realized this was just the beginning of getting to know her all over again. And while that might seem like bittersweet thing, she couldn't keep from grinning at the thought of it.

_I've finally got my sister back._


End file.
